I slipped up.
I haven’t been here in while. A very long while. Not because the monster inside of me was gone, more because being empty is consistent, and this little bit of venting was enough to keep me just above empty.
I was doing a little bit better actually.
Adjusting.
But I made the mistake of letting someone in.
I should know better.
I know now that I am not pathetic for needing someone in my life. I used to always feel so weak for wanting someone to be there for me.
Humans are not designed to be solitary creatures, in my opinion.
And maybe it’s because I was sexually abused as a child that this seems to carry more weight with me. I CANNOT be alone. Being alone means I’m alone with myself. And I hate her. Me.
But I was getting along just fine by myself.
Until he showed up…
3 comments
not all people are alike, though i cant deny the fact that most (if not all) are selfish, however, some are just not as pure in their intentions as others, and thus i arrive to the fact that perhaps you let the wrong person in?
Not saying that you should give another person a try, I’m just saying that perhaps you luck has failed you, and perhaps you need to find the right person to let him in..
I agree with you on the notion that humans are not meant to be alone, however many learn to be so when its needed to recover and reflect before jumping back in into the jungle…
It seems peoPle subject to abuse find partners that are abusive. I find that I find friends that talk badly to me and it’s imprinted in me.
Hi Mishapen, I agree love/lust can be hard. Letting people in can be alot easier than letting people out. My best advice is as hard as it will be is to move on and think positive happy thoughts. Not everybody is out to take advantage of somebody else, however i’m sure a good portion of people are. i like to think it’s less than 5% and the good is 95% but however i’m very doubtful in my numbers. Be strong, think positive and just learn from this experience. Take care
LB