Drugs, do or die

Well I just can’t do this anymore! I came to my aunts about a month ago to get my shit together. I got off drugs, got my food stamps, got back on meds, trying to get my insurance back, and I have applied once again for my social security disability. Some good things in the works I guess BUT my depression, and suicidal ideation is at an all time high. I almost killed myself in my aunts basement and for that I am disgusted with myself. The funny thing is now that I am clean I haven’t had one craving for drugs! NOT A ONE! But I realize that I just can’t survive without them, I don’t need them in the since that I crave them or am addicted to them, I need them to survive! That is the harsh reality, my only choice would be to go back to the streets/shelter and get back on the drugs. I really don’t want to go back I like having a home. The streets are not so fun. But I feel its my only way out from this horror. I am very torn, my family will be heartbroken, my aunt will be. But I feel I have no option, I will probably end up attempting suicide on the streets but atleast it wont be in my aunts home. This really fucking sucks but in this world its do or die. And I guess in this case the “DO” means drugs. :'(