Here I am again. I don’t want to be here or anywhere else. I don’t want to keep going through this over and over and who fucking cares right… why should i. I can’t fucking take it anymore. The torment and the torture is back and I am alone again. So easy to help me yet… so hard for people to do.. Is it too much to ask? I don’t even know if this makes sense, b/c I am fucking crushed, sick, fuck who can blame anyone.. I’m tired of myself. I don’t want to stay. I don’t want to feel like this. I just don’t want to. Of all the times and all the nights… tonight I just wish for apathy. I don’t see a way out of this hell.. I don’t see it at all right now. I’m out.
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I care. I think about everyone on here almost all of the time. The pain that some are forced to live with hurts my heart and I cry often and I’m wiping tears away now. I might just be a faceless internet guy that you don’t even know but seeing (reading) pain is powerful. I might not be there but you are in my heart, I promise you.
are you in iowa and thats nice of you to say but i wouldnt be if you knew me. thanks
It’s not even dark yet… im really worried again and starting to really panic. i don’t want to be doing this. i want to stop the panic, but it doesnt go away. makes me question everything and everyone. i don’t want it to get dark tonight.. not at all.
I don’t want to fucking be alone right now.. at all.
ok if u dont want to be alone i will be with u, talk to me.
I’m just having panic attacks again.. i wish they would go the fuck away.
im sorry. i am having panic attacks too. they are no fun.
i’m glad you are here.. I feel so alone. i want to be helped but when i get like this i just hate everything. and i dont want to. i feel like going back out and drinking, altho last time was a total embarassment.
i’m very sorry you have panic attacks too. i hate being embarassed and i feel like everyone around me doesnt care that it’s upsetting me doesnt care that i want to just go right now. I never feel worth anything or good enough… i dont know how i ever will feel that i am.
I’m too broken down to fight anymore… something i wanted more than anything… how can i hurt so much. I refuse to go through one more night like this.. I just blatantly refuse. I feel like taking fucking control of the situation once and for all.. that’s how I really feel. It’s not like I’m ever really going to see the light again. Not really. I am going to work out the final details tonight, since it seems my mind wants to work overtime… I’m not doing this again. I’m sorry but I can’t take on any more darkness… especially not alone.