Feel horrible today. I walked out on my job, because I couldn’t stand the bullying anymore, and I know I shouldn’t have to. Doesn’t change the fact that my friend had to pay my rent this month, and I need a job to pay bills. Makes me feel guilty as hell… I’ve never taken money from anyone. Now I’m just sick. I have no idea how I will face my boss, or how I will get the motivation and the courage to go out and look for another job.. this one was bad enough. Can’t even keep a shit job. What’s the point, I think… I just want out. I don’t want to keep being a disappointment. I don’t want to keep being a burden. If I wasn’t a burden, I could have what I wanted… that’s what I think. If my mind was right, it would be easier for everyone. And I don’t have high hopes that my mind will ever be right. Sometimes I think it’s wrong of me to stay.
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well – this is gonna bring up the whole money matters / money doesn’t matter debate.
but why do we struggle through life just so we can leave money behind when we are gone??? Screw that – nobody is gonna remember us cuz we left money. They either remember u or they dont.
My point is – TRY (easy to say), but TRY to not worry about money. God provides – if you trust. There are a lot more important things in life than colored paper.
Clearly you have people who care about you in your life, your friend wouldn’t have given and lent you money if they didn’t. Bullying in the work place is the worst and nobody should have to deal with that. Crappy jobs will come and go, plus what would be the reason in staying in a crappy job if it makes you unhappy? Money isn’t the be all and end all you can find ways of getting money, I don’t know what country you are from but I’m sure there is some form of welfare state there or government help you could take. You say you don’t like taking money and being a burden but, since you have actually worked, you’ve actually paid into the system so think of it as collecting your own money. You’ve taken a knock and a you’ve been let down so take some time to find yourself and decide what you want, another job will come soon.
good point.
They cared about YOU. Not the money. They would much rather have YOU than some stupid money.
That is what hurts, why? The money truly could have been better spent, and maybe I deserve what I get, you know? Maybe it’s wrong to get help. Not only do I feel really horrible today, but I am in a lot of physical pain today too. It’s not helping me feel better at all. I had to take the meds for it, and now I just feel even worse, and you can only take one a day… it’s barely taken the edge off, so my mind is just even more messed up with everything blurred with pain.
wow.
you really are in pain. I am so sorry to hear it.
i think i made my feelings well know about money. Tell ya what – i think you DO deserve it and YOU could better use it than i could. email me a place were I could send you some…. NOT a loan. just use it however u need it.
But your friend will not see it that way, they will have seen it as spending money to keep someone they cared about from leaving on the street or from having to live without food. Physical pain could be what is currently blurring your perception of life and your mood. Try and do things to take your mind off the pain, watch a film or try and focus your mind on something else. It sounds like stupid things but they do help believe me.
It’s not really just about the money, you know… it’s about being grown, and feeling unable to care for myself. Makes me feel like a child.. like an idiot. The pain is in my legs… so bad.. they don’t know what causes it my only clue would be vitamin deficiency and I am considering taking some. I don’t have pain like this often, but I’ve had it before. I have only had to take the meds one other time. @FakeSmile… that is very sweet, but it would only make me feel worse and more guilty. @Darkpheonix.. thanks for your comments, I know the pain is making it worse… I hope it goes away soon.
Pain in your legs is so annoying and stressful, it stops you from being able to function properly as you can’t really walk or move comfortably. I’m not sure what type of pain you have in your legs, so this may not help, but try an ice pack on the pain to numb it and keep it elevated. I dislocated my knee years ago and get incredible pain there a lot. There really is no need to feel guilty, your friend would not have given you the money if they had not wanted to, they care about you and your well being not money. These are problems that a lot of people go through. The way you deal with it is what makes you grown, a bigger idiot would have refused the money and tried to solve their problems on their own. You aren’t a child or an idiot though, a lot of people have been in this situation and dealt with it in this way so if anything you are like a lot of adults who have been forced into this awful predicament.
And I’m very angry about the fact that it seems the bad guy is going to win again. It’s so unfair that the big guy threatening me at work … is going to get to keep his job, b/c the boss won’t stand up to him. So I have to leave, not him. My friend said it was more irresponsible to stay then to go with him threatening me. If he knows about anything, it’s responsibility, although I would have never thought of it that way.
even YOU said the job sucked.
Maybe this is gonna end up being a good thing???? Maybe???
If he is threatening then you needed to get out of there, if your boss was unwillingly to rectify the situation and help you to keep your job then I would seek legal advice if I was you. It is illegal for you to be essentially forced out of work by somebody whilst management turn away and avoid it.
I’m so scared by the whole situation, I just really want to fly under the radar, you know. I don’t get all dressed up or anything to go out because I just don’t want to be noticed… but it seems like no matter what I do, guys like him find me. I must portray weakness or something, which is true… I have already been traumatized by guys like him. To even consider facing any of the people at work is just terrifying to me. I’m unsure about talking to a professional like that about this because I start panicking and my mind gets confused. I have a business degree, but I can’t use it b/c of this crazy mind of mine. I don’t WANT to be a victim, but it seems like every time I try to stand up for myself something like this happens. It has to be me… I don’t see any other way. I don’t see this happening to other people all the time. I wish I could figure it out…
thanks for being here and talking with me.
This does happen to other people, but most other people don’t have the strength to stop the situation. You did so you can’t be weak, you might think that walking out on work was weak but it is the opposite! Most people try and get on with the situation where as you realised you couldn’t do it any more and that takes strength. I wouldn’t say it because of your mind, I’d say it was more because you are a nice person. Most people who are intelligent get treated like that, people are scared by intelligence. But due to the fact that you have been put down so much you don’t feel that way. Hopefully you getting out of that places and job will change that situation. There really is no need to say thank you
I want out of this town, badly. It’s a small town, and everyone is toxic.. I wish this could be the door opening for me to get out, but I just can’t. I don’t know anyone anywhere else, and somehow toxic people are better than none… I know I hated the job b/c I was afraid. I know that I couldn’t stay for the same reason. Trapped by panic attacks and fear. Real shitty way to live life.
Lmorrow, I was bullied at (voluntary!) work. I have an inkling of what you’re going through over that. Your pain is blurring your thought processes, as you said. Try to get a good night’s rest tonight. Tomorrow is a new day to take those small baby steps toward recovery of your equilibrium. Please take good care of yourself. You are worth it. Zoe
@louise50… do you mind if I ask what you did about it? Did you contact someone, or just move on? My boss has actually seen this going on and she just stands there silent. I am very small.. I think that contributes to guys like him bullying me.
There really was no point in staying at a job you hated, especially since you were being threatening and bullied, that really is no way to live. Whilst you might not know anybody in another town or city it may be a good idea to get away from where you are. You can now start to put this ordeal behind you and work towards something that you want and will make you happy
I hate that.You always get some a$$hole at work/school wherever you go in life.
Something like that happened to me when I was starting,put me off work ever since.
I’m qualified for barely anything anyway
So my “best friend” who works with me just called. She told me I am being ridiculous that even though he would say those things, he wouldnt do them. She made me feel like I did this. That doing my job and asking him something which leads to threats is my fault. If I just let it go and not do my job, none of this would have happened. She just gave me a huge lecture on how me leaving the job was screwing her. WHY?! I already feel like shit… and now, my fear is unfounded?
It’s the same thing my mom would say too. I’m being dramatic, that him saying that I deserved an “ass beating” etc… is not a good enough reason to be afraid, and why my mind is so messed up.. are the ones I’m supposed to trust right or is my mind right?
People don’t always understand the situation that is the problem. Most people just presume that people say things like that as ‘banter’ and are only ‘kidding around.’ It stops becoming that when you feel actually threatened and scared. If the person doing this realise that you feel that way, which I’m guessing they do, then the ‘banter’ will stop. That really is the problem here they don’t understand that you genuinely feel scared and that you believe these are no longer jokes but they are serious threats.
Now I REALLY don’t want to go back and I just want to get the hell out of here. I want to run away so I don’t have to be scared anymore. The fear is PISSING me off!! I hate it. And I hate the people who are fucking with my already fucked up mind.
My suggestion would be don’t go back to work, especially if you genuinely feel scared and have talked to your boss about it and tried to rectify the situation. People don’t understand certain situations so try to tell them that you genuinely feel scared and worried, they will understand if you hel them to understand
Good riddance to them. They can stick their stinking job.
That guy that’s been bullying you needs a good beating aswell.
I don’t try to have this stuff happen.. 🙁 I really don’t. I am glad I know I can always come here for some understanding.
venting on here the past few days has helped me out tremendously
Yeah, but you need to start looking for a job immediately. Don’t just send out applications. Go to these places and ask. Believe it or not, no matter how annoying you might think it seems, persistence works.
I agree with both of you, and as far as a new job goes.. believe me, this mind needs at least something to do, I would hate to not do any type of work, not to mention the fact that I can’t afford to not work.
You need to find work, that will keep your mind active and stop you from dwelling on things. Plus a new job will hopefully show you that not everyone is a bastard
I find it hard to concentrate on anything, iv lost everything of late and get and never have been able to focus on anything but the loss iv suffered in the past, I cant function in life
you can function though, the loss you’ve suffered recently is clouding your judgement. Doing things that take your mind off things will help. Throwing yourself into something you enjoy is also something which will help