I feel so overwhelmed, I want out. My family never listens, so much fucking aggression. Everything is my fault. I want it to stop. Im so over my head, I just want someone to listen. I want something in my life that makes it worth it. I’m so sick of the fucking expectations and lectures and screaming!!!! I just want someone to be civil! No one will talk to me, Im fucking alone. They just get angry and yell when I talk about my feelings. I dont have any adequate instruments to cut myself. I feel like i’m welling up with all these ugly emotions, Ijust want to die asap. I want relief, I want to be able to breathe easy and sleep and not start crying when I lay down alone. I have no comfort, no back- up, nothing. I’m sick of being alone, I’m so fucking sick of feeling this way. I just want to be home. I’m so tired of my family, they don’t see what they do it. I’m a juevenile, unworthy, dissapointing teenager and I’m just angsty and unappreciative and I should feel bad about myself and agree with everything they say. I’m sick of having my emotions ignored. I literally think of suicide scenarios 24/7. I only wish I had the guts to do it, I wish I wasn’t afraid. It’s honestly the better choice. i’m so sick of this stupid dull aching pain everytime I wake up. Like the weight of the freaking world came back, I feel at peace when I’m sleeping. I just wish I could forever, forget what i’m living. Forget the fact that I’m an unworthy disgusting waste. I don’t want to go through it. I only want to hurt myself. i have no privacy here and I want to cry and I can’t. Everyone would hear. The facts are unbearable. These…awful people sleep at night…how fucking dare they. How dare they sleep so freaking soundly while I’m crying everytime I think too hard. The solution is so simple to them. So simple. To stop being sad just “don’t think about it.”

I JUST CAN’T ANYMORE, I REALLY CAN’T. I’m sick of the facts, I’m so sick of these people. I want to die so badly. i want to bleed and be in pain and not exist. I want this to end, I just want to get it over with. I wish they’d fucking forget about me. The burden of the fucking family. I just want to die so badly. Existing is so…complicated. So freaking staggering and lonely and misunderstood.

I really hate my family. I honestly do, I’m tired of being ridiculed because i’m not some smiley, happy- go- lucky, straight- a getting miracle child. I just want to be appreciated, no matter what i do. My self- esteem feels..so, so low. I can’t begin to articulate the depth of the disdain I feel for myself. I want to hurt myself…bad. I want to be in so much fucking pain. While they sleep, knowing I can’t, knowing what keeps me, just ignoring me, I overdose everynight. I cut myself everynight and cry. I can’t sleep at night, it’s lonesome and impossible given my thoughts. I just want to go away. I only want to cut myself atthis point. Everything is crumbling, and there is no fucking shoulder to cry on, nothing. I have myself, who I want to kill anyways. I want to die so bad. I’m incredibly tired, my throat hurts, my chest hurts, my eyes are welling up with tears, they see it, they know. Nothing. I just want to die so bad. I get no care. No warmth. Not shit. I want to fucking die so bad. If I mention anything, i get screeched at, I’m scared to even express anything. this is awful