I never thought I’d ever contemplate  ending it all.  Even when I had to deal with tough times before, I knew things would get better.
Now, I finally understand why people feel this way. This time, my problems are so unbelievably  bad that I just don’t see a way out of this. None of my options are good. No matter what I do, my life is already  too fucked up.
I can’t go back, I am dying in my current situation, and it’s the only two choicesi have. Because of love, I gave up everything I had and was, and now I’m stuck in a country I don’t like with a man who wasn’t worth it. Now I’m unemployed, stuck with no VISA so I’m here illegally and he and I aren’t working out. I’m isolated at home alone all day and have made no friends here. Can’t go back to my country because I’m in too much debt and have no home,wont get credit and no one that can support me till I fix this big mess.
I fee l stuck and I’m so angry with myself for being so srupid to trust someone  do much that I gave up everything and I’m left with nothing to my name. Every day is so bleak. Nothing to look forward to. No-one to talk to. Family and friends do far away. I’m so tired of  it. I just don’t have the strength to keep going when I can’t think of one thing that I can look forward to anymore. I’ve messed up my life:(
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Your post turned me to tears, reading people’s stories does that to me sometimes.. I’m sorry that man broke your trust and wasn’t who you thought he was, I wish you the best if that means anything.
Someone that was important to me broke my trust too, I know they are completely different situations but the pain from it was important enough to finally push me off the edge and try to commit suicide which failed. I know you are in a really bad situation but if you aren’t chronically depressed you have more than enough reason to live. I don’t enjoy going outside, seeing a movie, eating. Nothing gives me any kind of relief or joy and that is why I want to die. If you can feel happy from even the smallest of things then you truly have a reason to go on but I know you might not feel the same way being in such a position.
Thank you for your kind words. Wierd pouring out my heart online to strangers but in a way, I needed to know I’m not the only person on this planet feeling so bad. I’m sorry that you were hurt too. I also found out that he has been cheating on me before I moved here. It’s been a nightmare. I don’t know how I have managed to survive. I feel like I’m going crazy. I try every day, to look for one thing to make myself feel better. Some days I find something but it never lasts long. My life feels so empty and pointless. I can’t achieve all the dreams I used to have. I mourn the life I walked away from to be here that I can never have back, I see no good way out of this mess.
Im so depressed that I don’t even want to get out of bed anymore. There doesn’t seem to be any point. Every day is the same. There is just no end in sight. I just can’t anymore
Just realized I was so selfish in my own pain I didn’t even acknowledge yours much. Have you tried anti- depressants? I’ve been on anti-depressants for more than a year now and it doesn’t really help. My situation is what’s making me so depressed so unless I can somehow change it, it’s pointless taking antidepressants. I just stopped taking 2 days ago. It wasn’t making any difference
Maybe they could help you start finding enjoyment in things little by little again? I know if I had my support system around me (friends and family) and I was able to be indenpendant again, I’d find a way out of this lack hole. My hands are tied tho. You probably have things you can try to help you out your black hole?
Even if you have been finding small things that make you happy briefly that’s something. That means with some time there’s a chance that you can set things straight and get over the person who broke your trust. And I know exactly how you feel, I never want to get out of bed or do much of anything and it’s been that way for a long time. And honestly it’s perfectly fine, your compassion is appreciated. I have taken antidepressants but they haven’t helped me, some have made me feel worse or have had bad side effects so I stopped taking them. If you stopped taking them altogether they can easily affect your mood as well from withdrawal symptoms. When I stopped taking one of my antidepressants that I had been taking for a while my mood went kind of crazy for a few days. One day I must’ve cried nearly 10 times because of it.
Couldn’t you call your family and ask them to help you out? And no I don’t have anyone or anything to help me. I’ve accepted that I want to die for a long time now and for the most part that’s okay with me.
Oh, the point I was getting at in regards to the antidepressants is that you probably shouldn’t have stopped taking them especially in the situation you’re in. They may not have been helping you but they are still affecting your brain and mood to some extend. If you stop taking them altogether it may make you feel worse for some time so I’d keep taking them or wean yourself off of them slowly.
I suppose you are right about the antidepressants. I have felt more emotional the past 2 days. But it’s still better than feeling so numb and tired all the time on them. I mainly decided to stop because I’ve been sleeping so much during the day and that’s not like me. I found that I stopped caring about everything on them, not just my issues. Anyway. I’ll see how it goes.
You are right that if I am able to find things to make me smile that there is still a chance that I can overcome this. I’ve thought about this so much. I’ve wasted 2.5 years of my life already here. Its not so much that I can’t ask my family to help me. It’s that I don’t want to do that. I’m not a youngster anymore. I can’t face having to go back to my country and start all over again. Its not even about getting over the trust issue that’s the main problem here. The main issue is that I’ve walked away from a great life that’s gone forever now. So much has changed since I’ve left that it would feel like I’m starting all
Over again in a new country anyway. Friends have moved on with their lives, people have moved on without me and I won’t be able to just go back and slip back into things again. My parents are retired and live in a small coastal town back home. They can’t do more than offer me a place to sleep. I won’t be able to start a new life there- there are no jobs available there. It’s a retirement town. My siblings all have their own crap going on financially etc and won’t be able to help me out.
If I go back, I’ll land at the airport with no money to my name, and a suitcase of clothes and nothing else. I sold everything I owned to moved here. I didn’t think it might not work out. We had plans to marry, live a beautiful life together.
I won’t have anywhere to go from the airport. Friends have gone through divorces, losing their jobs etc and they are just struggling to look after themselves, never mind me. I refuse to be a burden on anyone. I already feel like I’m a burden on my BF here. I’m totally dependent on him and I can’t stand it.
Him and I fight constantly about everything. I’m so angry at how my life has bombed since moving here and I just can’t get over it. He just doesn’t seem to get how much I’ve lost to be here and as long as he has his dream job, and is progressing in life, he doesn’t give 2 shits that I’m not.
It feels like its too late already to try salvage anything. I’ve been left behind for too long to go back and start again. Too much has fucked up here for my BF and I to try work things out between us. Lots of anger and resentment. We have no intimacy, no communication. Both just existing but not living.
I just don’t see a good way out. Every day I feel like I’m going more crazy with all this. I just can’t escape it. Nothing can change the fact that I’m still stuck in limbo in a fucked up life situation. I often numb out to try avoid thinking about it. It seems like trying to do things to keep busy is just pointless because it doesn’t help my situation. Reading, watching TV, working out, going for walks, etc etc- none of that helps. I’m still in the situation I’m in so it’s all just become too pointless to bother with. I wish I didn’t take such a fat chance in love. It feels like the best part of my life is already over and anything I do next is going to be too hard/too fucked up to even bother. My family knows my situation and have told me I should just go back but I can’t. The life Id have to lead is not what I want either. I can’t do it. Every day I struggle will be a reminder of WHY I’m struggling and it will take years to pay up my debt and before I can even stand on my own two feet again. The screwed up thing is that my BF is not affected at all. If I had to leave, his life just goes on with no struggles. I know I won’t ever forgive him for this. I know I’ll spend years and years struggling to recover from this and every single thing I have to deal with will be a reminder that it’s because of him. Long after he has forgotten about me, I’ll still be dealing with shit in my life that’s because of all this.
I know that will drive me insane. I won’t be able to just move on and forget about all this. It’s too late for that. I believed in him and he has let me down. There have been many other issues in our relationship that have led me to not even want to be with him anymore but I feel like I’m trapped. Both options of staying or going back are equally shit. No matter what I do, that’s what I’m faced with and I am not willing to do either.
That’s how I came to thinking about ending it. It’s become my third option. I don’t want to die. But I don’t/can’t carry on like this anymore. It’s soul destroying and driving me insane. Every day I feel trapped with no escape and no solution. Aargh.
Im so sorry to hear about your situation…where are you from if u dont mind me asking
Hi, I’d rather not say in public forum, if that’s OK. It’s random enough for anyone who knows me to realise it’s me if they read this. Not that they don’t know how shitty my situation is, but I don’t want them to know ive thought about ending it. I tried talking to my BF about how I’ve been feeling and told him I was thinking about ending it. My intention was to reach out to him to show him how desperate I’ve started feeling about this all, to get his input on what else I can do. He way overreacted and now says im using suicide as a way to make him feel guilty for everything that’s gone wrong. I just don’t have the strength to try explain to people how I truly feel. People just don’t get it. There are so many myths about people and suicide. People think if you talk about it, it’s not real and that it’s just a way to get attention or whatever.