i havent felt this scared in a long time

things with my deppresion and life in general have felt overall better recently, but it is a daily fight, its like the celldweller song-birthright “holding on until my hands and mind start bleeding” it feels like they are bleeding, beeding pain. im getting tired anmd i can tell, everytime im having a bad day i have to fight every waking moment and its making me tired, what if i slip back and end up so deep or deeper as i was before? honestly im scared, all these what ifs are running throught my mind, im getting tired of the fight. “hes on his way to nowhere, because he heard it was safe there, and safe is something valuable here” thats how it feels, i want to feel safe, but find that safety in myself AND someone else, to feel like somone understands my saddness. i dont even know what im wanting from posting this, i just want to say im scared, to admit it. im scared.