I really fucked up

You push someone away and they don’t often push back.. Even someone who does will eventually stop trying. This is something I have learned about people, and do whenever someone gets close. How do I stop pushing? I broke down and cried when my friend asked what was wrong.. I had never done that before. I talked and he offered to listen.. then push, leave me alone. Time to lock up, shut up, because it will all come back to bite anyways.. Well it did, but I guess that was my fault too.. How do you expect someone to react when you say.. “I don’t trust you. I regret every time I’ve talked with you. ..”? Because.. Because.. I don’t like letting people in my head.. Thats a whole different place I cant explain to anyone.