Over a year a go, I went to a doctor just to talk to someone. I was just having one of those of days, that was all. I was never depressed. Anyway, she gave me these tablets that were citalopram without explaining what they were, how long I should take them for or when it would be reviewed. She didn’t even explain why she thought I should be on them in the first place. All she said was if it was me, i would take them. I had been taking these tablets from October 2010-November 2011 without knowing what they were. This was a trainee doctor. I gave my trust in her. Who does that to a paient, without informing what they are and what the side affects may cause before taking them. Then i went to another gp to ask for beta blockers to help calm my nerves, as I was doing a test at the time. But she told me that i couldn’t because of my asthma. Then she told me that she was going to give me another lot of tablets, without explaining why. Then I saw another gp and he gave me another lot of tablets. None of them had told me that these were antidepressants. Who gives a patient antidepressants, knowing that they weren’t depressed at all.
This is when I became ill. I had been given these tablets for no reason at all. Doctors just hand them out like smarties. They didn’t seem to of realised that i was having side affects to all of these tablets. This doctor referred me to see someone else who asks me if i wanted a bed, i thought it might of been a rehab or on a general ward. Instead, they never explained to me that I was going into a mental hospital. If they had only told me, i would of asked for help at home. They didn’t even realise either that my body couldn’t tolerate these tablets or even realising i was having possible side effects. It was only when I left they hospital, i realised what they were. Who in there right mind gives someone who doesn’t appear to be suffering from depression antidepressants. Without explaining why! Because of what these doctors have done to me I have not been well for eight months now. This time last year, I was a normal, clever, happy person. Now i can’t remember one day to the next, let alone not even being able to remember any of my family members. I don’t even know the type of person i used to be. When i am watching tv, i can’t even understand what I am watching, let alone not being able to silent read. They say it’s your illness that is blocking my memory. I don’t believe them. I don’t care what they say I am not depressed, i am just frustrated by the whole situation. Before you lot have the nerve to judge me by saying you have everything to live for or you need to speak to someone. Well i have, but know one bloody believes me. This is not a life, i can’t bare to live like this for one more day. The problem is that I want to die as soon as possible, ideally before tomorrow, but i have limited resources as my family keeps watching my every move 24/7. I have the right to die, I’d rather my organs go to someone that deserves to live. People should not be criterzied for wanting to end their lives. Please don’t anyone have the nerve to judge me, when you are not going thorough, what i am having to, day after day. I just want to die, I have the right not to suffer like this anymore. So, can someone give me some proper advise on how to end my life. I can’t let my family suffer any more then they have been. Don’t you lot also say, what this might to to them if i do this. i cannot go on suffering like this for one more day. Please someone reply back to this on how i can end my life.
5 comments
This is why I’ve never wanted to get on antidepressants, it seems obvious that doctors just want to throw pills at people, probably because they get money from the drug companies for prescribing as many patients to take their product as possible. I remember one time I was going through a really bad breakup and my family finally convinced me to go talk to someone, not just a therapist but a psychologist who would have the power to write a prescription if needed. I went and I was somewhat looking forward to having someone to talk to and get some relief from all my problems. I probably talked and answered her questions for about 90 seconds before she was ready to write on her prescription pad. She didn’t care what was bothering me or how to help. Just wanted to drug me up and make me artificially feel better.
S F I understand your frustration and the feeling of betrayal but I think if you make an effort to get off the pills safely (if you haven’t stopped already) and research a good diet and what foods to eat for brain health and to improve your memory, you could get better. If you are still taking the pills, I know it might sound crazy of me to suggest trying yet another doctor, but if you can find an honest one and tell them you want to know a safe method to get yourself off the medications, they will tell you how quickly to lower your doses and how to go about it to hopefully avoid most of the withdrawal symptoms. Then you need to start eating healthy and exercising to get your brain and body going again.
I hope you’ll give it some thought. If you’re determined to just end everything, there’s nothing I can say, and it’s against the rules of this website to really discuss methods for suicide so you’d have to look into that on your own.
I do respect your opinion, but you are not the one who is having to go through this. I have seen another doctor, they have been good by cutting it down,but they don’t believe me what i am trying to tell them and they can’t understand why this has happened to me either. They think I have severe depression, I AM NOT, IAM JUST FRUSTRATED. My body cannot tolerate antidepressants. They thought in hospital i was phycotic, but I wasn’t, i was being pumped with two more ssri’s that were causing me to have side effects. I have tried to help my brain, but it’s dead. I can’t even remember how to do anything myself anymore, i have to get my mum to help me get dressed and wash my hair because i can’t remember how to do things myself. This is not a life and i cannot go on living like this for one more day This shouldn’t be happening to someone at 24. I have been looking on line to find ways to end my life and have been unsuccessful. Why have a website like this when you can’t ask for some proper help on how to end your life, yet on the website people have tried helium.
So don’t you dare judge me. You have no right to do so!
I hear that you’re angry SF. I think you’ll find this isn’t a very judgmental website, but it might be as well to read ‘Read This First’ for the few ground rules that exist on Suicide Project. This is not the place to find out how to kill yourself.
Am I to think that a ‘normal happy’ person like yourself suddenl;y needs to kill him or herself because s/he was put on some tablets that had undesirable side effects? What did you think they were, wasn’t there a leaflet with the box telling you? I take Citalopram myself and it always comes with a leaflet describing all the possible side effects in some detail.
I’m not saying your doctors were right or correct in doing this. But a ‘clever’ person like yourself would surely question what they were taking?
I can’t help feeling you are looking for someone to blame. I also get the feeling you want to kill yourself out of anger against your perceived enemy…these doctors. Your anger is even directed against the people here who you have decided are judgmental, or haven’t been through what you have. I suggest you read more widely on this website if you think that. I personally am frequently humbled by the stories I read here. Suffering like this is much more common than most people probably realise…
I hope you will find a better way to adjust to life than ending it. Why let ‘them’ win? Fight for your right to health and happiness. All is certainly not lost SF. Zx
You have no right to judge me. How dare you judge me like that. Shame on you.The trainee doctor never told me what citalopram was and never explained why she thought i had to take them. a doctor has a duty to explain why they think they should be taking them and to please look at the side affects. This is not my fault. you are a bully!
That is totally fucked up, I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’m having those thoughts right now. I know people care but they don’t care enough to what really is bugging me.