funny thing is, i survived six years of heroin addiction. i think i miss the pain of the needle going in more than the opiates hitting my brain. something about pain and pleasure being inexorably tied together that makes one less real without the other. Was listening to Trent Reznor’s Hurt earlier and was struck by the truth of the lyrics
i hurt myself today….to see if i still feel….i focus on the pain….the only thing thats real
if i could start again….a million miles away…i would keep myself….i would find a way
it gives me a strange sense of comfort to think that after the deed is done maybe i can start again, somewhere else, yet still retain the essence of what i am….