I dont want to live anymore. So much has happened in my life, so many things most people never have to deal with. Its one reason why people can’t relate to me. I see these people everyday who have great lives, families who are taken from this world. Yet people like me, who are so miserable are forced to continue our existence. I cant even talk to my own husband. He left a couple weeks ago, and now he doesnt love me, or care. I dont know what happened. And I have no one else. I made my work, school and family my life. Then he […]
July 2012
i cant do it
i cant love you
i cant…
i cant….
you always said i CAN.
i COULD.
but i couldent.
i never could.
you were dragged to prison.
two years later jail.
because of her.
she LIED!
how could you have loved her?!
i visit you all the time
i have nothing to say.
if i said whats really “up”,
it would be this:
hey uncle tom! yeah i have been cutting myself, making nooses, trying to drown and suffocate myself, posting things on a website called fucking suicide project, and whining about my depression! hows your time going?
but i cant.
it has been SEVEN YEARS!!!!
I miss you, is all i can say.
would anyone like to see what my art looks like..? i cant really draw people but i like to draw wolves and foxes, sometimes cats. it will be digital cause i dont have a scanner -sad- im in a suprisingly good mood today….heh
I didn’t want to die, I really didn’t… and I still don’t. I just wanted the pain to all go away. The name calling, the threats, Â numbness, the lack of a functioning life, the flashbacks and most importantly, the self loathing. So I went to go get the gun. I was so close to getting it when my sister walked in. That’s when I decided I couldn’t do it. God knows what made me decide it. Maybe it was because I know exactly how it feels to lose someone that way, but it was as if I felt something for the first time in over […]
Hey! Im not asking advice or help in suicide or anything like that. What i would like to as is, is there anybody here from Finland?
ive noticed a few posts on here about who will be hurt when you kill yourself. for me when i feel suicidal i have now past the point of thinking of anyone else, my pain gets so intense, i even think they would be better of without me. the thing is you have to live for yourself, if you live for somoneelse you will never be happy.
focus your energy on LIVING, make plans for your future for things you LOVE, wheather it be a job, a person, a food ANYTHING! try to stop planning your death when the thoughts come into your head […]
My first post to this website was April 2009. Since then a few times each year I have found myself back here.
For a bit of background. I had a good childhood, I wasn’t abused (taken advantage of maybe, but nothing compared to others), I haven’t had any major traumas or losses in my life. Really, I had a really blessed growing up.
I came to the site originally about small petty issues, things that shouldn’t have bothered me at all. But in my eyes it seemed like being suffocated. Like a physical pain, until numbness. I haven’t decided what is worse yet, feeling pain or being […]
My 18yo son hanged himself on the 3rd May 2012. I miss him every moment of every day. Â He had plenty of attempts over the last 3 years with his general MO being cutting his wrists which ended him in hospital. before his final successful decision in May, his last attempt was to try and overdose on his depression medication 12 months ago. Even after all the attempts, we still didnt see it coming. He had just gained a Boiler Making apprenticeship and been approved to go for his P’s (license). He was in the best point he’d ever been in his albeit short life. […]
I don’t understand why I haven’t done it yet. I want to die so badly, but I think I’m scared. I’m scared that I’ll fail, and have to live with regret and embarrassment and have to live out my life with the pain I’ve been living with.
I was suppose to do it today. I have everything planned out. I just need to go to the store to get one more thing, and I’m good to go. Maybe I’ll do it this weekend? Maybe next week? I keep asking myself if I can even go through with it; if it will even happen. I keep wishing that someone […]
i don’t really know what to say to be honest. basically, i have this urge to go to the beach and go for a swim (that’s it just swim out and nothing more). Â i’m not really sure what to say to it. i mean, i had a good night and all, but i can’t shake this. usually i can just distract myself from those kind of thoughts. read my old post, Last night i made an attempt. I hope in that read it will make sense. :/
Sorry if i’m not good with the whole explaining myself to be understood. I have really poor writing ability […]
Why are we able to suffer to the point of wanting to die?
Why are we driven to search pleasure in things like love, friendship, dreams, that can as well completely destroy us?
Why we have to struggle to make our lives worth the effort?
Why are we so weak?
Why things are designed the way they are; why we can’t just be happy forever and ever, no pain, no fear; why we fight to fix this.
the hopelessness of being myself is inescapable
i tried to live but i was unable
all the reasons why are always unknown
death is my palace and hate is my throne
immortal thoughts of oneness discredited as lies
causing my mind interconnected to die
all wishes will be granted for those who wait
love and peace are only real when you contemplate
the world without the world within
the world without the world within
subjectivity and tainted skin
kingdoms of war
huts of peace
silence yourself and learn defeat
master defeat and move on to the next battle you’ll lose
i dont deserve a breath […]
Recently me and my girlfriend of 1 year and almost 8 months broke up. When we first broke up i wanted to kill myself, i couldnt think of a reason to get out of bed. I didnt move for 2 days.
Now i feel like things are somewhat getting better. I am up out of bed, and i am talking to her again. I’m regaining hope.
All i want in my life is her. She is the most beautiful girl ever to me. But without her i have fallen into a depression. I dont feel hungry or thirsty, i havent a real meal in about 5 days, […]
I can’t let go of you (I am constantly letting go; I can’t do it any more)
So I am going to hang on with all my might
With me, it’s all or nothing
It’s the complete darkness or the light
So with you, I choose the something
I choose hope over the fright
I know the fright, the night too well
I know it’s twisted pleasure
My home in which I can no longer dwell (But not for lack of trying)
It’s weight I can not measure
So choose me, love, choose me as well
hi, im 17 and my life is messing up, failing school…losing friends and i donth think ill be able to depend on my self in the future. I have been considering killing myself for a year now and have decided once i fail my school course that i will do it, people that i know are saying that is it because i have aspergers syndrome…im not really sure.
i tried to jump of a bridge but coudnt do it because i have a phobia of water which you cant see under, anyway i was just wondering how long it would take to kill myelf by starvation, […]
I know that I’m thin but I want to be thinner. I want to have thighs that don’t touch and a body as light as a feather. I run because I want to burn calories. Burn off that chocolate bar I just consumed and so much more. I want 115 pounds when I am a perfectly thin perfectly healthy 130. Im angry at myself because I hate myself. I want perfection but perfection is unreal. I want to be okay when I graduate from high school this coming year and go off to college with my boyfriend and be okay knowing that Im gonna make […]
I keep trying suicide. My post got taken down. I’m sick of the suicidal thoughts & attempts.
Things have changed in my journey, I still here and alive, new hope or at least less of a reason to be depressed or fearful in my life.
I’m so tired. I don’t want to do this any more.
It’s all so much work.
Everyone tells me to just make an effort..
I have. I’ve made friends, taken care of family,
Got a job, a house, a car. I’ve gone to parties and
Tried to get a girl. I try to pay my bills. I try to
Have a life.
But they only say, “try harder.”
I’m tired of trying.
There come a point when the energy used to
Accomplish a goal out weighs the reward.
It’s not worth it any more.
I just got some great news yesterday!
It turns out that my […]