Don’t know what to do anymore. Watching my world collapse around me more and more every day. This streak of bad luck is never going to end. I’ve already killed myself once. All this can end if I can have her love again. I can’t begin to list every thing that has happened within the past couple months, nothing good has happened. All I need is to have her by my side again, and the rest I can take care of. Unfortunately that’s not going to happen, what’s the point of living? Constant unhappiness isn’t a life I would like to live. Live, die…who cares?
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Before you decide to take your life, imagine who will find you. Imagine them walking into a room, and seeing you just hanging there. Whether it be your little sister, little brother, mother father, grandparents, a friend. Imagine what will happen when they find you. No, they will not say “Finally, they’re gone.†No, they will not say “I’m happy they did that.†No, they will not say “I never loved them anyways.†They will die. Their hearts will break. They will hurt, more than you ever could. They will cry, scream, and break down. They’ll believe it’s all just a dream, praying to wake up. Except, they won’t feel that for a few seconds, or a few days, not weeks, nor months. They will feel that until the day they die. Everyday will be hell. They’ll think of you ever second. They’ll hate themselves for not being able to help or save you. They’ll wish they could die too. They’ll want to give up, just to be with you. They won’t be ever be happy again. They won’t smile. They won’t go back to their daily routine. They’ll die every time they walk past your room, or see a picture of you, or think of a memory with you. They’ll think, but stay quiet. They’ll visit your grave, feeling a knife go through their chest every time. And every morning when they wake up, no matter how long it’s been, they’ll wake up to thinking they’ll see you, only to be let down once again. And every night, they will cry themselves to sleep, because even though they refuse to admit it, know you’re gone forever.
Before you decide to take your life, think of your family, burying you. Yes, your own mother and father are planning your funeral. It’s supposed to be the other way around, but it’s not. They’ll have to call the cops, sign a death certificate, pick out clothing, buy a tomb stone, a casket, pick out flower arrangements, and more; All for their child’s funeral. The morning of your funeral, everyone who loves you is wearing black. Tears are streaming down their face, while their heart is breaking. Everyone who you thought didn’t need you, or didn’t care, are waiting in line to see you. They aren’t waiting in line at a party, or a graduation, or at a wedding reception. They’re waiting to see you, hands folded, lifeless, in a casket.
Before you decide to take your life, think of everyone you will be hurting. Don’t you dare so no one, because absolutely everyone will be affected. Your grandparents, won’t have a grandchild anymore. Your parents, won’t have a child anymore. Your brother or sister, won’t have a sibling anymore. Your pet, won’t have an owner anymore. That person you sit next to in class, won’t feel your presence anymore. Your teacher, won’t have a student anymore. That time your grandparents told you no, will haunt them forever, thinking it is their fault, that you are now dead. That time your parents yelled at you, will haunt them forever, thinking if they didn’t yell at you, you would still be here. That time your sibling said they hated you, will hate themselves, because they believe you would still be alive if they said they loved you instead. Those kids who made you feel bad, will wish they were dead too, because if they just smiled at you instead, you would be here. That teacher that you didn’t meet her expectations, will feel like a failure, because you would still be here, if she believed in you. Everyone, who has ever been in your presence, will hurt, because if they showed you they cared, you would still be here.
Before you decide to take your life, think. Don’t just think of yourself, think of the consequences for everyone else. No one’s life will be the same again. That person who God made specially for you, won’t have you. That happiness that was waiting for you, will never show again. Before you decide to take your life, realize that you may be ending your pain, but you’ll be starting a lifetime of everyone elses.
If you are feeling alone, and think that suicide is the only way out:
My ask is open, and I’m always here. I’ll never judge you. I’ll try to help you.
Talk to me :/ if this makes you feel worse, please email me, im here and i CARE!! your a complete stranger but i care, and i’ve been exactly where you are, reach out to me :3 Please don’t give up hope
Alexaawearsprada, that comment is fucking brilliant.
Thanks for the comment, but I’ve thought about this every day for almost three months now. I’m 21 now, my future is still unclear. A little bio: my mother walked out when I was about 5 years old, haven’t seen her since. My dad has always had financial problems, I lived with him for a few years, but had to move in with my grandparents. I only have one sibling, my older brother. We have NEVER gotten along. We used to fight all the time, physically and emotionally. Now I just avoid him all together because I don’t want to argue with him. He is bipolar, he just doesn’t know he is. I was raised believing I was always a financial burden on everybody. I met this girl almost two years ago. She was the most amazing girl I had ever met. I mean we had everything in common. She became my girlfriend, and life was great. But then I became selfish, stupid, and pathetic. I didn’t spend much time with her, I was too focused on my music and chasing my dreams then. Then I made another mistake that I don’t like talking about because it brings me down as far as I can get. Needless to say, three months ago we broke up. That was the start of my world crumbling down. It was all downhill from there. First of all, there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t hate myself for losing her. I dream about her every single night, and I wake up to this nightmare of reality that I created. I’ve tried moving on, but every time I do, it never works out. I’m still in love with my ex. I fell in a deep depression after we broke up. I would barely eat. Before we broke up, I was pretty big into fitness, I would eat right and work out all the time. Then I stopped eating all together. Sometimes I would go 2 or 3 days without eating a single thing. Then when I would eat, it wouldn’t be much, and it would usually only be once a day. I lost over 30 pounds in a month’s time. I thought I was going to die that way, but I decided that after I had no energy to walk, that I needed to make a change and get my body back. I’m still working on that actually.
I’ve lost all of my best friends because of my depression. I used to have tons of friends, I was the guy anybody could talk to and get advice from. But after all the drama, I only have 2 or 3 friends left. I try not to talk to them as much because I don’t want them to have to put up with me all of the time. I killed myself last week. But I came back, I’ve had flash backs of my family just racing through my mind. And at the same time, I saw my grandfather discovering my lifeless body lying on my bed. I couldn’t let that happen, so I came back. Now I’m regretting that I did come back. The list goes on and on with my bad luck. I really miss my ex. All of this wouldn’t be nearly as bad if I could only have her by my side again. The love we shared wasn’t like a normal relationship. I mean, we were truly in love. Then I took it all for granted because of my selfish, egotistical ways. I’m still half way undecided if I’m going to go through with this or not. It honestly doesn’t matter to me. Maybe if after I’m gone, others will realize and feel some of the pain that I have been enduring over the past months. I know how selfish that sounds, but there is only so much a person can take before they just can’t take it anymore.
Email me ? alexap0424@yahoo.com
I completely understand where your coming from…. and i know it’s only a matter of time.. and your young… im 17 and i helped a young woman 32!!!! who was on the breaking point of killinge herself and noo matter how many times she pushed me away i stayed and everyday i would talk to her about how i was never gonna leave her side and how she could always talk to me :/ Please don’t give up and talk to me.
Here’s her story
if you want just take a look at it and see…
http://suicideproject.org/2012/07/thank-you-alexa/
Try and get her back. Spend the energy your focusing on your death on getting your love back. Then show her she is your world. If she doesn’t want anything to do with you show her you want everything to do with her. She may just be missing you as badly as you miss her:) good luck and Fierce Love<3
She has moved on and is in another guy’s arms. I screwed everything up :'(
you probably don’t wanna hear nor will believe this, but the girl is not essential to your well-being .. she used to contribute a lot to you feeling good about yourself, she played her role on your life path BUT she is not a must .. I can understand that losing her, especially since you seemed to have a very strong bond, threw you into this severe depression .. but it’s also my opinion that telling yourself you need her by your side to be happy, to be somebody and rehearsing this thought in your head is simply killing your chances of recovery .. your beliefs shape your reality to a certain extent and being depressed tends to darken your judgement, making your situation look more hopeless than it is … in my opinion
also: would you say you loved her for the person she was, or was it more because of the way she made you feel (she could fill a hole or sthg like that) ? what percentage of each ?
finally: if you were to look deep within, are you sure it boils down to taking her love for granted ? did you feel comfortable with, deserving of her love ? is forgiving yourself for screwing it up an option ?
* by playing her role, I mean she showed you you can feel good about yourself
Well i disagree with truth that probably is like impossible to live without her
Since she is no longer available you should move on. Truth is right that she showed you that you can be happy. Now you need to find that happy again. It may not be another girlfriend and it might be better if it was something you did on the inside instead of some material thing that could go away. Don’t give up. You can be happy again but you cant quit. We all believe that you can. Fierce Love<3