Every year around this time I buy a bouquet of gerber daisies and one rose. I leave it on my best friend’s mother’s doorstep, but never ring the doorbell. It’s been 4 years since my friend killed herself. The guilt still tears me up inside. So when I walk to the place where she is buried, I write her a note and leave it next to her headstone. This year’s was different than the rest. It read “It should have been me. Maybe I should just join you so you’re no longer alone.”
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2 comments
I don’t think that’s a reasonable plan, but I’ve never seen a reason to believe in an afterlife. You might be projecting; did you possibly mean “Maybe I should just join you so I’m no longer alone”?
I appreciate what you think I meant, but I am not alone. Also, it’s not a plan, just a thought (I like to get my thoughts out because they rip me apart when I keep them to myself). I wish I could explain to you the relationship we had and the circumstances so that you might understand me better, however it would be much too difficult. I only ever thought that she could be alone because that is what her mother cried about at her funeral.