Just another sad story.

Hi I’m 15. My name is Maddy. I gre up with a nanny because my brother was to young to take care of me and my mom always worked and when she was home she was taking care of my dad. He had brain cancer a brain cancer that no one makes it out alive. He did though he was suppose to die the year of getting it. He didn’t the doctors told my mom it was god but because of all the radilation and surgery he had problems he couldn’t see out of one eye never could remeber anything. He only rememberEd things well that happened before all this. And what thiwhat’s to do with me? Well I was the child born after the cancer the one he forgot. Hs never remembered me. I knewnot was his sickness but it made me mad, I always told him I hated him and I made him mean. He was always calling me names telling me how much of a ***** I am. But it was because of his illneknow how now that he didn’t mean it he was frustrated I went years not telling him I loved him ignoring him arguing with him,. If be admitting to loving him then it would hurt when he was gone. He lived 17 years like this he passed away this September September 15, 2011. Be ause I was so horrible to him I always had depression andanxiety when he died it got worse he didn’t know how much I loved him i attwmpted suicde many times i ended up on pills and in a a hositpal more times then ive probbably like been to the movies or something like that. I don’t want to live with this regretbut I do.i should have been better to him, I’ve been a cutter I’ve done DIFFRENT drugs I just want to feel happy again. I cry probably everyday why am I alive everyone loved him he changed so many people’s lives for the besotted why couldn’t I see how amazing he was I’m that stupid ugly girl at school every girl bullies and gets away with I have like 3 friends that are actual friends and my biyfriend sometimesdoesnt even seem to care my brother parties hard and doesn’t give a fuck he’s 20 and living in his mothers basement. Then thinking of this all makes me remeber my mom lost the love of her life. And I’m to self centered to be here for her. I was worried about my self and didn’t think of the women who’s always been here for me. No matter whathappening in her life. I’m horrible I don’t deserve to live. Well yeah that’s just some of my story.