For awhile now I have thought of suicide alot. Its not somehting I want to do but im at a point to where its something im really starting to think about and cant help it. I been reading on hypoxic death and it seems the best way to go. I wasnt able to breathe well for about 7 months and then after feeling well for about a month something else happened….I have somehting wrong in my head and I cant think right. I call it brain fog but its affecting me more than I can tell anyone or even put into words. Its ruining my life but its more than that, I cant think correctly and thats all I know to say or the only way to put it.  I sit and cry when no one is around and I feel so stressed that I just want to scream all the time at any little thing. Intellectually I know that somehting is not right but All I can do is sit here and thats all I feel like doing. No one understands or hell…maybe no one really cares….I dont know….I love my children and my spouse…..I mean I really love her but I lash out and we had a huge argument and I even bellied up to her and pushed her that way. It hurts me but …I dont know….I cant think right now.
Ive always had a temper but this problem (the brain fog thing) has done something…Im doing things and cant remember doing them and even remembered something that came in the mail that never ever came and Im scared….I know it wasnt a dream and I remember it taking place but I know Intellectually it did not happen for sure but to this day I can remember it although it never occured. I dont want things to be like this and normally I can control my problems but I cant think to solve out problems right. I sit here and try to will myself to think…. to work it out but my mind wanders and i fight to ………….i cant put it into words….to not do something to myself thats drastic…..I want to drink, i dont want to think…..i cant leave my wife and kids by killing myslef but I cant quit thinking about it because …..I dont want to be a ???? retard..someone who cant talk right or think right or get out a sentence because my brain wont work even if it is sinus, yeast ..whatever…..and i have no …..I have no control over my emotions or anger and the stress is to much….jsut sitting here now i want to hurt…I want to hit soemthing….I want it to stop….i need to vent because i cant tell anyone….no one would understand….i dont want to hurt anyone…Thats not me….but this causes me not to be me….I have no tolornace with my children..not even my baby who I love so so much….I dont harm them but I have no tollerance at all….I just want to cvry
Please…..please pray for me…
1 comment
Have you tried a psychologist ? There are people that can help some of us, always try some outside help before making a choice for suicide.
You said you want to drink, I’m in AA so I know the desire for a drink very well. If you think you may have a problem with drinking even if its just a binge once or twice a year, you could be an alcoholic. Even if you pay all the bills and still have the car, wife, home, etc., you still may have a drink problem. I know my brain went all fuzzy and clouded before I started my journey.
You may have clinical depression, or some othe diagnosis, you will never know if you don’t go see a proffessional.
Now there are many here at SP that have been on the psycho-babble merry go round for years and have a bad view of meds and pyschiatrists, yet there are those in society as a whole that get great bennifit from it.