The word itself makes people stop and see what it says. It’s so eye grabbing and it captures most everyone’s attention. Saying you’ll commit suicide is easy. Setting up suicide is easy. But actually doing it? Actually jumping off of a building? Actually pulling the trigger? Actually slitting your wrists? It’s fucking hard. To know that your life is there; So vulnerable in your hands. It’s all in front of you. And it’s all up to you in that very moment. Whether you live, or you die.
What’s it like falling? Just free falling and all of a sudden, nothing. Or to pull the trigger that blows your brains out. To feel the bullet go through you. Or to hang yourself. To feel the rope taking the last of your breath. To go through with it all, then failing sucks….
You finally do it. But end up not dying. To know that you made it out alive. To know that you were ready for death but it didn’t happen? To step off your bed thinking you’ll feel a little rush from the fall, then nothing…But end up falling to the floor still alive with the rope around your neck. It fucking sucks. Death. It’s a mystery. It’s a whole other journey. The thing is though, I haven’t finished THIS journey yet. The one I’m in now. Yes, I’m stuck for the time being. But I should enjoy it. Might as well try right?
And I know later, I’ll look back and think, “Bullshit.” I’m fucking ready to die.
But for the time being, I know I’m okay. And I hope I stay okay.
4 comments
I hope so too fearvsdreams. I agree with you about ‘the final act’ being much harder than any amount of plans and talk. I’m so glad to hear you conclude that it’s better to keep going and try to enjoy the journey…I’m with you on that journey. Zx
Actually pulling through on a suicide act takes a great deal of something I’m not sure whether to call it courage cause generally suicide is seen as the cowards way out. I’ve jumped from a building and I have to say was the hardest thing I’ve ever done… It goes against everything were programmed to do. Luckily survived but damaged my body a lot. I was grateful last year to be alive but now the suicide thoughts are back and I want to end it properly not taking any chance of survival. It’s scary cause it’s final but when you can’t go on living what are you supposed to do….
For one week now I’ve bee thinking about my own suicide, I cannot do the jumping thing, actually I cannot do anything that involves pain. I want death to be like falling sleep. I’m so afraid of falling… I think I will not try to plan it annymore, it will just happen, one day I will be so afraid, anxious and crazy that I will do it in a blink of an eye.
Hi there,
This won’t be much, but I hope that it can help you somehow.
You’re on this page because you have the desire to die..right? You want to be hugged by the darkness forever. Well, here’s a little bit about me. I slit my writs and everytime I look down at my arms, I can see the scars, many people in my family have seen the scars, but they don’t say anything. I’ve tried to overdose on sleeping pills. It didn’t work. I’ve tried to kill myself quite a few times. I’m one of you. We’re together in this. But, haven’t you thought that even though we have tried to get rid of ourselves, we lived for a reason? Maybe we do have a purpose. Every Hero has a story behind them. Ours is probably harder to live. But its worth even more. Dont throw it all away. Challenge the world as it is. If its love your searching for, it might be right around the corner. People, please open your hearts and minds to those who trouble you. You might learn good things from them. I don’t know, this isn’t as inspirational or good as I thought it’d be, but my point was that you never know what might happen to you in the future. Try, really try to not focus so much on your past, take it as lesson, maybe. Thank you for your time, and I’m sorry if this isn’t good at all..