…to remember why I hate weekends.
…for almost constant reminders that I have nobody that I’m actually close with in my daily life.
…to dredge through the reality that other people are confounding.
…to face the fact that I spend almost all of my time working on projects as a distraction from loneliness.
…to wonder why I teeter on the line between dying and living.
…to ponder the horrible absurdities that are basic human motivations, and their inbuilt contradictions.
…to acknowledge that this is all I’ve known for most of my life, and grudgingly accept that it will likely continue this way indefinitely.
…and to realize that I’m going to run out of tobacco really quick if I don’t stop smoking so damn much. 😛
4 comments
ha, time to smoke some clips. i hate weekends too, but not as much as i hate the week. I spend most of my time alone. Even when im engaged and talking to people im not truly with them. I am a freak. I cannot speak my mind. I cannot be me for more than an instant. but it doesnt matter anyway. i wouldnt join any club that’d have me as a member
Woody Allen reference, ftw.
I’m roughly the same way. I’m isolated for such long stretches that “being mysel” isn’t that hard, though. I just piss people off, or confuse the hell out of them the rest of the time. Even if my circumstances changed and I got a great job, my own place, etc…, I’d still flounder when it comes to meeting anyone at all, or trying to get close to someone new. I don’t think I even know how to do it.
dont live off peoples judgements trust me i did and i failed miserably f**k the haters and get on with life. cherish the good times and laugh at the bad.in the end you will be on top of the world baby and you will overcome the pain. live free.
It’s not the judgment of others that worries me, it’s the fact that it seems I’m missing, “relating to people,” from my personal skill-set. So the pain drags on and on and on with no signs of abating any time in the near-distant future.