i don’t know why i am posting this.
i know my problems may seem trivial when compared to others. i know that there very may well be someone out there who would appreciate me more than she ever did. i know i bring most of this on myself. i know i made mistakes, and hurt her.
but i also know that i can’t do this. i know that i was truly happy, and i know that she was also truly happy. i know that my life is forever incomplete without her. i would be alive sure, but i wouldn’t be living. i feel so alone. i feel so worthless. i feel so hurt.
see, i am unable to “move on” like everyone else (like her). as long as i am still here, i am still going to try. she doesn’t want me to try anymore. so the only way to make her happy is to prevent myself from hoping. it’s good for her, and it’s good for me.
the only other people in my life are my immediate family, and they are all very strong. they will be sad, but “move on” like everyone always does.
i cry so many times a day. it’s been almost a year now, and i still feel the same pain, loss and abandonment as if it were all just now happening.
i am not like everyone else. i don’t believe in “moving on” and “getting over it”. i am incapable of walking away from something that (while we had our problems, sure) was so imperfectly perfect.
life was life because i shared it with her, and she with me. now, it is not life anymore. it’s just a painful reminder of what was.
i don’t know why i posted. sorry.
4 comments
A few years ago I felt the same way and living was hard. I’m sorry you feel this way. I know it hurts right now.
I have no idea why I’m commenting on this, because I honestly don’t know exactly what you are going through. And I can’t tell you it will get better, I can’t say that after losing someone so important you will be the same person you were before. I dot know what to say, I just know that losing someone is so hard, and crying isn’t bad, thinking about her every now and again isn’t bad. But if you feel stuck in this stage of loss of her and yourself, breathe. Don’t let life pass you by. She may have been perfect, but there is always someone who can make you smile, even when you want to cry. Even if there are dozens who make you smile when you want to cry, you will eventually find someone new who loves to be imperfectly perfect with you. Imperfection is perfection, because when it’s not “perfect” that’s when we know it is real. Remember to breathe, and give someone new a chance. You maybe surprised with where you end up.
That helped me. Just enough to help me out right now. Just enough… And to Jmvsic, cry. It’s okay, guy. I cry my guts out over trivial matters, so much less important than what you posted. Hey, I’ll try to help you. A comments column is sometimes all ya need. 🙂 Smile for me, okay? Thanks.
i appreciate the comments, but as i said, i don’t really know why i posted. words from strangers on the internet, while kind words, are just that.
i need kind words from her. i need kind actions from her. i need something from her.
thanks anyway though~