in that special way that lets you know that you have a place in their heart. She smiled at me and it broke my heart. The path of human coupling is a long and winding road, and I’m not up to the journey. As much as I want to take the trip with someone, I’m afraid of being hurt, of being reminded that I don’t belong with people, that I’m only here to serve.
In my brain, it feels like I could succeed at.. building some sort of relationship built on trust and support but… There’s no evidence to support that. I’ve never been able to say anything, do anything, without absolute certainty that I wasn’t going to fail.
I wish she didn’t smile at me. I wish people would dismiss me and let me go. I’m just a shell of my former self