I just feel like nobody really gets me. I’m someone who will give anything just to make someone feel better. If that means losing sleep over a friend calling me crying about their problems then I’ll be happy to do that. But it becomes a routine that people take advantage of me and when it comes time for me to try to talk about my problems, I feel like nobody is interested. I lose friends all the time because of who I am. I don’t even know who I am anymore. After countless times getting screwed over in romantic relationships, I don’t feel like I’ll ever be able to open myself up to someone like that again. I feel so lonely.
However, I shouldn’t feel lonely. My parents are still together, I have three siblings. I have a roof over my head, food and clothes. I have a family that loves me, and I love them back. I’ve already felt this depressed before, they know that I wanted to take my life, but I was so afraid to tell them how I was really feeling after I said I was having suicidal thoughts. I should be considered spoiled with where I am right now, but it’s not all paradise with how I feel. I’m self conscious about every part of my body. I’ve changed my diet and I exercise regularly. I am doing everything I can to try to fix my physical appearance, but my emotional and psychological issues are just consuming me right now.
I recently got a promotion at my job, which made me excited cause I was expecting a lot of changes and to be making more money so I could get a new car and just be financially stable but that didn’t work out for me. I barley make a hundred dollars a week and I have my insurance to pay for and a phone bill. Any school expenses also come out of my pocket. I’m left with a little gas money, and have nothing left over. No money to go out with my friends, to go to the mall and buy anything.
I’m terrified of the future because I know I won’t be able to be responsible enough to take care of myself on my own. I know I complain so much that it makes people run away from me, but I can’t control it. I feel so awkward around people and trying to make new friends. I feel extremely unappreciated by a lot of people and feel like they won’t give me the chance to show them my true potential. I just want to be given a chance to show that I just need love.
2 comments
You sound like a pretty responsible person. I guess you’re in college? After you’re done you can try to find a better job that will actually support you. It sounds like you have self confidence issues; is there anyone you can talk to? Like a close family member. Exercise and eating right are great, but you also need to train your mental strength. I bet if you can gain and apply some confidence to your life things will definitely turn around.
For myself, I had an unconscious belief that if I took care of others around me they would love me & wouldn’t leave me. I had abandonment issues, & major self esteem issues..hidden from me from childhood.
They weren’t my fault but a natural result when we don’t know how to put ourselves first and be courageously selfish about it. We either do out of love for ourselves which empowers us or out of fear which disempowers us. Good luck