I just want to be free. I want to be able to freely express who I feel like I should be from the inside and the outside. For a moment I thought everything was okay. Some thoughts I wasn’t able to take out and that naturally haunted me in and out of my life, finally disappeared for a month. And now it seems like I’m heading back to phase one again. Whereas I pondered about why I was having thoughts like this as my depression kept on deepening, and analyzing it, and analyzing it…stressing myself out slowly as months went by, etc…
Well guess what? Not this time. If my life decides to rewind back so that I have all the access to feel all the pain as a whole that I’ve felt back then, it’s not going to happen. I’m going to kill myself, 100%. Whatever haunted me and is haunting me again, wins.
I’m a loser. A failure.
3 comments
relapses suck. what helped you last time?
Nothing, I swear it just went away itself.
Perhaps you should consult “nothing” once more. The harder you try not to think about something the deeper it seeds itself within your mind. Maybe you should just focus on not focusing and relax?