i failed today. i picked up that knife and cut several times and opened several scars. its dissappointing. i was just so angry nd sad and frustrated that it overwhelmed me. i couldnt help myself and once i started doing it i couldnt stop. for a moment i was zoned out, completely lost to the world around me. i was just so focused onn cutting that i didnt bother to listen to the world i was in. i wanted to stop but i couldnt. afterwards i felt so much better though.
when i got the urge i tried to distract myself i tried using my safety plan but it didnt work. i tried to call one of my friends so i could talk about it but no one answered. i called several times and still no answer. im not mad that they didnt answer but i really wish they had.
i couldnt bring myself to care to stop. i went too far this time. i almost considered going back to the psyche ward but then i realized that when i was there i only felt worse. what am i going to do? ive failed once again….epically
today i felt like giving up completely and ending it all and this time i would make sure that i didnt fail at it, but i turned those thoughts away. im glad i did.
my life is spiraling out of control. when my friends would ask about my scars, i would promise myself that i would never cut agin, but i always end up breaking that promise. i dont know why but i always do. i hate myself for it.
today im just a big epic fail!! 🙁
1 comment
I wanted to so badly today also but i distracted myself. it was not an epic fail. it is good that you know this was bad and i do zone out to but you can reply to me and i can give you my number and you can call me whenever you feel the urge because i know how it feels like to need someone but they were not there at the right time.