Forever Endless

I’m so tired of trying. Every day is the same. This endless depressing cycle keeps repeating itself. I press on, fail, and end up in the same place I started. I’ve tried so hard for the past 9 years. But everyone just see my failures, not what I’ve achieved or how hard it is for me to survive another day. I feel worthless. Empty, defeated, and alone. Everyone is always wanting me to change, to be doing something else, to be somewhere else, to be someone else. It’s frustrating, I’ve changed so many times, I have no idea who I am anymore. And what good has it done? I feel just as alone and empty as I did when I was 13, cutting myself to sleep every night, praying to God that I won’t wake up in the morning. Who says this will pass? That it’s only temporary? Really? This seems endless and I right now am only seeing one way out. Everyone else has given up on me, my family, friends, and teammates. They’re willing to discard me so easily. So why can’t I let go of myself too? I’m never good enough and I finally see I never will be. It doesn’t matter how hard I try, what I achieve, or how far I go, every path leads me right back here to this same spot. Like I said, I’m tired of trying. What’s the point? I’m sick of suffering. I just want peace. If I have to make my own, I will.