My brain rules me, but was this his own invention or did I teach him how to operate? A brain is often compared to a computer… So is my brian an obsolete flawed model full of factory defects or was it me who downloaded this bullshit onto it creating all these viruses ’till there’s no longer a clear picture on the screen? I’d like to know the answer to these questions cause if I were to be found “not guilty” of my own misery, I’d find some relief. Perhaps then I could be freed from this painful sentence I’ve given to myself for being me. This brain finds something wrong in everything, is it true or is it me? Are we the “same person” or are we actually separate entities? I have never be able to tell where the chemical imbalance ends and I begin…
87 comments
There are a lot of philosphical questions in there (dualism,existentialism,determinism) but it’s late so i can’t bother you with my musings right now haha lucky you. It’s a little of both though, your brain is predisposed towards certain attitudes, but you have a say in it as well. That’s good though, don’t think of it as being “guilty” think of it as an opportunity to rewrite that programming.
Thank you Scar, hopefully, we can discuss this a bit further at a different time. I’d love to hear more.
Imagine owning a Ferrari that’s fast but unreliable and a jeep that’s slow but never let’s you down. Know which one I would choose. Learn to happy with defects. They stop being defects.
There is no free will. Everything is caused by something that happened before.
Your brain could have been fucked up from birth or fucked up by outside influences. You had no choice in being who you are. However you must make choices now to change your brain for the better in the future. Nobody knows if you will succeed or not though.
Hi Black Swan, I hope you are doing well. I liked your post because of the questions you ask about the meaning of life via the life of our brain. Recently, I have been battling the same kind mental oscillation between not seeing a bright future and trying to understand why this feeling in me won’t just go away. I’d like to share a recent story with you.I try to distract at night. I don’t fall asleep easily because I am up asking myself questions, torturing myself with possible but uncertain answers. Anyway, I started to watch this show at night, all five seasons. It worked as a distraction. And not only that, as I got into the storyline, I got lost in the characters, felt their pain and their victory. After I finished, I felt different. My mind felt different. The weightiness had lightened up, something felt new. I felt inexplicably and temporarily at peace, happy, not sure if there is a more technical word here. Why do you think the brain does that?I read somewhere recently ‘selfconciousness is the enemy of interestingness’. Things are happening, stories are unravelling in real life, whether we see it or not. I think when my brain tries to reflect, it goes straight for the painful stuff. Maybe because I never really get a chance to unload it. It stays there building up questions, wondering what to do with all the chaos in life.This leads me to this question: How do we balance the amount of time we live in our head, in our pain, and reflection? I just want to feel, without the encumbrance of entropic thinking, of looking down at myself from above. I just want to act my feelings without worry.
@ Surfer 202; Do you surf in a toilet bowl? Your comment makes no sense. “There is no free will”. “You must make choices now to change your brain for the future…” If everything is pre-determined then we have no control over our future. Either we control our destiny or we are subject to the whim of fate. Which one is it?
Subject of fate. And all decisions we make are product of physical events happening in the world and our brains. So when you hold a gun to your head and pull the trigger you didn’t actually have the choice in pulling the trigger. Besides if you scan the brain in real time you will know when the person will pull the trigger before the person knows it himself.
If you don’t control the trigger finger, then who does? Are you a puppet who doesn’t live his/her own life? You’re being controlled by some external force? BS
You make decisions but your decisions are controlled by the world.
Read the book “Free will” by Sam Harris he explains it very clearly.
And yeah you are a puppet controlled by past and the laws of physics.
The world is filled with book that are full of shit. Thanks for the recommendation, but I’ll pass.
I choose not to be a puppet, do whatever you want.
All right keep being a stupid moron.
You have no choice anyway.
Hello swan. Did surgery go ok?
There no simple answer or person to blame when it comes to mental health. There might be a genetic component. It sounds like there’s a lot is sociological factors considering what you’ve been through. If you want a simple answer I will say don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s not supprising that someone who’s been through what you have would have some issues. At least you’ve still managed to stay a nice person.
A stupid moron according to who? Some guy who believes everything he reads? OK, guilty as charged.
I come to my conclusions even before I read the book so fuck off.
That’s cool. You kinda sound like a moron, though. (No offense)
You are a moron.
Wow. Clever come back, well played! 🙂
lucy4 – i see you’re still killin em 😉
or was it predetermined that I say that?
uncleverly predisposed to free will dawg
Hello Dawg; I’m drunk, tired, and pissed off. I’m in rare form. 🙂 How are you?
Track conditions described as ‘very soft’ at Longchamp. This is bad news for Camelot 🙁 He will hate it. But good news for Bayir and Great Heavens
So Horses are named after aspirin now, huh?
Yeah, I know your going to say he won the Irish derby on heavy but that was against weak opposition. Born to Sea gave him a scare and he’s no world beater. It’s was only his class that brought him him that day and against this opposition he’s going to have to dig deep.
I don’t know about aspirin but I do know this, the rain has ruined my chances
It was very soft when Dalakhani won it from a double figure draw which has nulified the draw advantage. Both horses I mentioned are soft ground specialists. The were each suplemented at a cost of £100,000 and the owners wouldn’t do that for nothing.
@surfer how did you come to your conclusions if free will doesn’t exist?
Geez Duke; Is the rain going to impede the odds on your horse? I would hate to think that you might get beaten by the weather.
@lucy I thought you had passed out. You are remarkably coherent for beer #14
@duke what kind of ninny bets on a horse that can’t handle wet conditions in London?!!!
@ one_day Longhamp
@ Lucy yes. Camelot was a big Market drifter this morning. He’s up against it here. When he ran on heavy in Ireland he really didn’t like it at all.
Medicean has had a few winners this week and Bayrir might be able to continue the trend. Great Heavens is from an excellent family and fillies have done better in recent years.
Im staying with Camelot but Bayrir is a big danger.
@ one_day; I’m now on beer #17. I got lotsa stamina, sweetypie. You should visit, we’ll stay up all night pillow fighting. 🙂
Gawd, we are ruthless when we hijack these posts, huh? What was this posters story even about? (I have no idea)
Hello Black Swan; I just read your post. You sound very pretty.
Camelot is in big trouble. Horses by Montjeu usually like cut in the ground be he doesn’t and remember he had the speed to win a Group 1 over a mile. There will be genuine excuses if he’s beaten today. I’ve been looking at the race for months and he destroyed them in the Derby. That form ties in with the leading french horses. The only stat against him is 9 of the 10 previous winners won last time out and he was touched off in the triple crown. Incidentally the japanese horse is a triple crown winner but they sent Deep Impact over a few years ago and even he couldn’t win it. Drawn 18 he’ll have no chance from there.
Oregon won.
Plus I bought new Levi’s today.
Life is good Black Swan. You sound good looking. Do you look good in jeans? No one cares if you’re insane. (as long as you have a nice butt)
Is anybody still awake?
It’s all very exciting 6 hrs to go but I don’t think I can wait that long
@lucy you will probably want to braid my hair and gossip about boys as well. No thanks.
@swan- apologies.
@lucy and duke I have an intimate question to ask you both. Do you grunt and shout when cheering on your respective football team/ racehorse? Is this a common phenomenon in spectator sports?
@ one_day’; actually, I’d like to stuff you like a Thanksgiving day turkey
@ one_day no, im as cool as a cucumber. Unless the jockey does something ridiculous then I’ve been known to shout obscenities and smash things up
#drunkregret
I sometimes make sound effects, sure. It helps with bowel movements. I also sing when nobody is around.
Have you ever tried a kitkat. I think it would be appropriate for us all to eat one right now and contemplate the most significant event in the history of the world as Camelot bids to restore his reputation and become champion of Europe
@kitkat right there with you.
@lucy4 umm that’s good to know. Please make a mental note to check back this post when sober.
@duke the next time you become consumed by rage, please, have a break. Have a kit Kat.
@ Duke; Do you have the number for the Guiness Book of World Records people? I’m on beer #21 (yes I’m that talented) and it’s 3;47 AM. If only alcoholism was an Olympic event…..goddam, I’d get the bronze medal at least.
Once I saw a jockey hold horse so far off the pace that it would lose all chance and then jump off just to make sure. If I was there that day, I would have waited for him in the car park and beaten him up.
@ lucy no I don’t but it’s probably on the Internet somewhere. It depends, I know people who claim to drink 20+ pints a day.
I could drink 6 pints comfortably then need a 30 min to an hour break before drinking another couple. Obviously if you pace yourself during the course of a day you can drink a lot more.
Hahahah. He jumped off to retrieve the envelope he dropped.
Yeah I mentioned that on here before. I should have reported him to the BHA
gibbles.
huh?
Quack Quack.
The Ducks won.
6-0, baby
Ok now I’m pissed. Just found out one of my films is doing the festival run in the states, nola and San Fran, and no one bothered to tell me! I can’t even ***** about it on Facebook because the producer is on my Facebook. And… My houseguest snores and u think I’ve developed tolerance to my benzos
It will all fade into insignificance when the mighty Camelot storms to victory in less than 45 mins time
Camelot settled in mid division under Frankie Dettori rounding the turn. Two out and Orfevre swept to the lead for Japan. Camelot tried to track him trough but found nothing under pressure and was eventually beaten a long way. At the furlong pole, Orfevre looked to have the race won but Solemia came from nowhere to claim victory under Olivier Peslier. 1st Solemia, 2nd Orfevre and Masterstroke ran on to claim third for Godolphin.
7th place. i did not expect that.
She’s a four year old filly, didn’t win last time out, never won a group 1 let alone classic, outside the first four in the betting and her form stinks. It really does. Her best form has been on soft so I think the ground had something to do with it but no one could have expected that. The Japanese horse was very classy and had every chance so I feel sorry for him. There is a rumour going around that Camelot will be staying in training next year so hopefully he can redeem his reputation.
Very exciting finish. My heart sank a little when Camelot was looked in trouble but good race. Solemia got up in the shadow of the post. Excellent ride from Olivier Peslier.
@Duke Of Marmalade,Lucy4,One_Day You guys should just make a post everyday titled “the garbage bin” where you can go on about horses and kit kats without hijacking others posts lol.
@surfer Your conclusions are extremely pressumptuous and the sophomoric smugness in which you assert them doesn’t help your case. The most neurologists have been able to show is a 60% accuracy in determining weather or not someone would press a button, which as you can see is incomparably different from a multifacted decision such as suicide.
@Black Swan I’m going to outline a few topics that your post brushes over. This will be an extensive, albeit expedient analysis, so i understand if you don’t want to read over all of it, but as you may already know i’m very much interested in philosophy.
1. Determinism- Determinism is the philosophic view that for anything that happens in the world, there are conditions such that nothing else could of happened, but what actually did. Determisim has long been favored in the sciences, but has recently been challenged by the seeming fortuitousness of Quantum Mechanics.
If it is the case that Determinism is true, then clearly free will does not exist. Unless, you’re a Compatabalist(someone who defines free will in such a way as to coexist with Determinism) I do believe it’s very likely that determinism is true, however the appeal to authority adduced by surfer202 is laughfably weak.
As for my personal views on this i lean in favour of a Pragmatic Theory of Truth. That is to say, because Determinism being true in no way alters or changes the inherent sense of choice that we have, we are entitled to think it true that it is the case the we do in fact make choices.
2. Tabula Rasa- is the view that all humans, when born, are essentialy a “blank slate”, and that whatever they become thereafter is learned from the external world. Modern biology/neurology is showing more and more that this is absolutely not the case. Much of what we are is written into our genes. This doesn’t, however, entail that you’re unable to rewrite your thought processes. For instance, a man may be born especially predisposed to bouts of rage, but this doesn’t mean that with counseling he cannot placate his anger. I think you(black swan) have shown in your posts an intellect and strenght such that you could probably rewrite these values of yours.(but that’s just my two cents.)
3. Dualism- Dualism in regards to the Philosophy Of Mind is the view that the mind and body are two fundementally different entities. If you adhere to some sort of dualistic dichotomy, e.g body/soul, then it may not be the case that the thoughts your brain forces upon you are necessarily your own. I won’t get into my own views, but whether or not you believe that there exists such a thing as a soul and that it interacts with your mind will answer your question there.
4. Existentialism- Is a “catch-all” term to characterize certain philosophies which share in common a few central themes, i.e the individuals existence. On Existentialist philosophies existence precedes essence, that is to say, the essence of ones self is made by the way that person chooses to exist, and one should not go about there lives acting as though the actions they make are in fact predermined or necessary. Existentialsm recognizes the inherent “anxiety” of the humans ability to freely choose in a world where one may make the wrong decision and must take responsibility for that decision instead of blaming it on external forces.
These are just a few topics that i thought may be of relevence to you Black Swan. I guess to sum it all up i would say this. It’s likely the case that Determinism is true, however even if it were true it would never extinguish our perception of choice and for this reason we should go about out lives believe that we do in fact act freely. Our physiology,genetic inheritence, social upbringing, and so forth very much shape the people we are, but in no way necessitate what we will remain as such. We create our essence each day as we act in this world and the values we hold are subject to change.
If i can offer my candid opinion, it seems like you come to the battlefield already believing that whether or not you’ve won or lost has been predetermined. I think if you do want to be successful in living here that you should believe that it is in fact possible to change the values you hold and that the predispositions your mind forces upon you are in fact surrmountable.
Scar, I must say that was probably the most intelligent post I’ve read on here and was actually on topic too. Kudos. Brilliant.
You ask an age old question. I’ve always been curious about nature vs. nurture, myself.
I agree with Mimito. Nicely done Scar. Nicely done.
I don’t know why I talk about horse racing on other peoples posts it just happens. I know it’s wrong but I can’t help it. I try not to but it’s just too exciting that I have to share it with the world.
Actually, horse racing can provide the answer to this question
Sheikh Mohammed spends millions at the yearling sales and doesn’t achieve the same success as owners that spend less. Do you remember The Green Monkey a $16m yearling that didn’t win a race, what about the beautifully bred Jalil that was hardly worth the $6m they paid for him. Yearlings that do not have correct conformation and look unbalanced are often rejected in the sales ring only to subsequently prove top class. If you look at the leading sires, statistically there is little difference in runners to win ratio yet some command a much higher fee.
It stands to reason that the owners with the most money are going to send their expensive yearlings to a top trainer. Take a look at Saeed bin Suroor for the Godolphin operation. His strike rate is around 18% not that much difference when compared to other trainers. Obviously they have more 2 year old winners because of the quantity they have in training.
In summary, most of the best horses came from humble backgrounds with undesirable pedigrees.
@ Scar, I really enjoyed the philosophy lesson :). Very interesting! There’s a lot for me to digest still, though :O. I don’t believe anyone’s destiny is predetermined, but I do believe that genetics and the circumstances you’re born under play a big role in what the future might hold. For example: Angelina Jolie had much better chances on becoming a Hollywood actress than I ever did. These “laws” can be defeated, of course, like Duke adds, but these cases are rare and that’s why they are called exceptions.
I find “FREE WILL” highly linked to “WILL POWER” and therefore limited. Given the fact that these two forces are often contradictory, the outcome can only be a draw or a victory. If they manage to cancel each other out, you’ll be rendered paralyzed and therefore not moving forward. Now, taking into account that “FREE WILL” is unable to materialize in the real world unless “WILL POWER” allows it, as it’s not enough to just “make a choice”, you need to “make it happen”; we’ll find that it’s impossible for “FREE WILL” to ever win this battle. The only way “FREE WILL” will ever lead the way is if “WILL POWER” decides to follow.
And this is where my predicament lays since I DO want to change but I don’t have the will power to do it. It’s much too overwhelming for me at this point of my life to rewrite every program I ever fed this brain of mine. I don’t even know how or where to begin or if it’s at all possible.
@Duke, I am sorry Camelot didn’t win this time :(. I saw the movie “Secretariat” a couple of years ago and found it “life-changing”, at least for a little while, though. Lol. I loved it!
It will be hard for a perfectionist to learn not to only focus on the scratch of a Ferrari but it’s certainly worth trying to love the defects. Hopefully, some people may call it art and even find it glamourous. Still, I believe finding my own Philip Hobbs would probably be my best bet and the answer to all my prayers.
@Surfer, I’m glad you’re still here. How’s Sweden?
@One_day, the surgery went well, thanks for asking :). I am still swollen, though. I saw that one of your films made it internationally. Congratulations!
@Lucy, you can hijack my posts anytime! I enjoy reading the stories plus you make me laugh with some of your comments. Thanks for the compliment and I think I do have a nice ass, haha, specially now after this surgery. Gotta make-up for this fucked up personality of mine somehow. Go DUCKS!
It certainly is possible. I don’t mean to be insulting but if i may ask, are you trying to find a way to live, or have you already decided that you want to die? I’m just asking this as a matter of fact question no different than if i asked whether or not it was raining.
By the way, thank you mimito and DoM. I have always thought of philosophy as being very closely entwined with depression.
@Scar, Lol. It’s a valid question indeed. I wrote a post about a month ago about me no longer having respect for the state I was in, that I should either go ahead and kill myself for real or continue with this fucked-up life somehow but that staying there like an endless loser victim was not in me to put fuel in. I never got the guts to kill myself, so even though I fucking hate this life of mine and I’m still dealing with this depression, I’ll have to go on. So now, I am looking at ways to make it better. Any suggestions? I just hope my only hope is not that cognitive whatever therapy :O!!!
@Scar, I am far from having the knowledge you have as far as philosophy goes but I also find it very interesting. What’s your favorite philosopher?
Well, the reason i asked is because there really are some things i’ve wanted to say to you. The reason you ellicit such vigour in me is because the values that you seem to hold are 100% opposite my own. I’m only speaking of course of things like fame and wealth and things of that sort. Obviously you have wonderful moral values and what not.
If you were willing to hear me out, i really do feel like i may be able to sew some seeds of doubt that may help you to “rewrite” some of those materialistic values that you say you no longer want.
Actually that’s an interesting question, because one of my goals in analytic thought is to strive to study philosophy itself and not philosophers. However, if i had to choose it would probably be Diogenes Of Sinope because he is hilarious.
@Scar, I am willing!!!
@ Neat 🙂 would you mind if we did it by email though? Because it will require a bit more back and forth between us and i don’t want to spam the forums.
I’ve never given my email to anyone here and I haven’t been checking it since this downfall 6 months ago but if it’s the only way, I guess let’s do it. I’ll send you an email now. But wouldn’t you think all the people here would find it interesting. You saw the response you got from your comments. It’s food for the brain and perhaps and perhaps a good recipe for depression.
I replied to your email.
Could you list what you would consider the main negative values which you feel society/ your enviorment has “programmed” your brain, and also the main positive values that you strive for.
@Scar, I am the one that thanks you! I will write short sentences so it’s more of a conversation.
Premise #1: I see very little difference between humans and animals. I see this world like a food chain web where you either lead at the top or are trapped at the bottom. Since there’s no way out of this net, unless escaping from this planet, I figured my best bet was aiming for the top since I cannot tolerate a place of subordination or “inferiority”.
I would agree, in a somewhat weaker sense, that humans(which are in fact animals) are much more similar to other lesser animals, than we often give them credit for. Like all animals, humans are naturally contentious creatures. We all strive to compete, this is in fact, the main tendency i strive to oppose within myself.
There are two things that i want to say about this.
In Buddhism there is a concept known as Tanha(lit. thirst) The Buddha in his teachings of the Four Noble Truthes described it as one of the fundemental causes of suffering. In life we desire, yearn, and lust for all sorts of things. Now, i would disagree with the Buddhist idea that desire should be wholly extirpated, because of course desire is necessary for happiness, however i do think that too much desire, and also misguided desire is perhaps, one of the greatest causes of suffering.
By what standard, may i ask, do you assess “inferiority”? In my personal view wealth, physical appearance, social standing etc have no bearing whatsoever on success in life. I am in no way suggesting that this is better or best, i’m merely giving an exmaple of the subjectivity of success. You say you want to disavow the values society has instilled within you. That suggests to me that they aren’t really what you perceive to be valuable. What do you think about this?
Also, if you’re only able to be content at the apex of the pyramid. Then you’ve forever doomed yourself to a life of misery. If any human can ever reach the top of the pyramid and be the strongest,fastest,most beautiful, most intelligent, etc. Everyone else will be below him. Acceptance of inferiority is a necessary part of living happily in my opinion. “Those who want everything deserve nothing”
I missquoted that at the end sorry. What i meant was “Those who desire everything will find nothing; those who desire some things will usually find them.”
@Scar, you say:
“By what standard, may i ask, do you assess “inferiorityâ€? In my personal view wealth, physical appearance, social standing etc have no bearing whatsoever on success in life”.
How do you define success then?
I define success as contentment, which is of course relative. If a person is content with their life than they are successful. I think that seems reasonable. For me personally wealth,physical appearance,and social standing are all things that make me very unhappy so they have no bearing on my success in life.
I admit i phrased that poorly what i should of written is “have no necessary bearing on success.”
If these things are what you need in order for your life to be successful then i think you should strive for them, but i was under the impression that you wanted to get rid of these values.
@Scar, I have erased what I wrote like 20 times already so I guess I’m better of writing as it comes out …
I wish I could be happy looking like whatever, but the problem is that then no one will look at me. I wish I could be happy having no money, but the problem is that very few people (family included) would respect me or would be eager to hang out with me… How can I be content by ending up a complete loner on top of knowing that I am a loser in the eyes of society? That’s my fear and my perspective.
Superficial values are the base of today’s society and I feel like I either get with the program or get smashed by it. I hate these fucking rules but majority wins. What do you think?
Please do, i’m sorry that i write so formally; i’m not used to talking with people. Just say whatever’s on your heart; i will as well. As i briefly described in the section on Existentialism, i think everyone has to decide for themselves what direction their life will take. All i can do is give you my personal opinion, and truly i think that if people are to be happy in this world or any other, they will at some point need to learn to be content with themselves and not base their lives soley on others perceptions.
Don’t get me wrong, i think it’s important to care what others thing, but there’s a difference between being considerate of others opinions and allowing those opinions to mold you against your will.
Let me put it like this, if it’s important to you to appeal to others superficial perceptions of yourself and you don’t want that to go away, then that’s fine, i would only try and convince you to tone it down so it doesn’t devour your life like it has.
If you do want to get rid of those feeling completely, then i would point out that there are plenty of people out there who don’t consider physical beauty/social standing as constituting a beautiful person. It is possible to live life cultivating your insides and to love yourself aswell as being loved by others.
By the way, I think you’ve said society at least 2 times now, and legend has it that if you say it three times in a row after the sun has set the Nolentwohundred will appear. Be careful.
Lol!!! That last comment was really funny! I do find a lot of sense in what you say…
I am an extremist by nature ( have no idea if comes from my bipolarity)… I lack balance in my life and I do tend to overdo everything as you say. That should be in the “undo” list on what to reprogram in my brain.
Having said that, the biggest problem I am encountering at the moment is that the life that awaits me in New York is based on those superficial values, at least the job I’ll be doing, which will probably end up eating up my entire life. If so, it won’t be long before I land in yet another mental hospital and again here contemplating suicide. I want to scape that environment yet I see no other way to survive financially. I don’t know what the F*** to do!!!
Yeah, i think enviorment in this case is probably a huge factor. What is your job like runway model or something? Maybe you could look into finding work around where you are.
Btw, i’m sorry, but it’s my bed time. I’d like to continue talking later if you want to.
Good night Scar. I’ll send you an email and thanks for everything :).
This still going on. Anyway, im reading some stuff that might be of interest to you but its a lot of stuff. Will write a post in a few weeks to answer all of your questions.
@Scar, I just sent you an email.
@Duke, I’d love to hear about the stuff you mention. I’ll be looking forward to your post.
@ Black Swan – Thats what all the girls say 😉
I’m really lazy so It might take me a while
@Duke, haha. I’ll be here 🙂