I don’t even know if I am posting this in the right spot or if anyone will even see it. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m a normal kid. Early 20’s.. apparently decent life. But I seriously wish I were dead. I may not struggle financially thanks to my parents (I do not live at home, but they financially support me. pay my rent, etc.) I do work, though. I have never posted about this stuff online and I don’t even know how to word whats going on in my head. I may not struggle financially and sometimes I feel like god gave me other struggles because of this. (I am not religious, by any mean, but my father is however religion was never pushed on me) I don’t know what to do anymore.. I’ve been fucked in the craziest fucking ways by someone who was so close to me and I literally do not want to do. I seriously do not want to live anymore but I don’t know how to do it. I’m so scared to put a gun to my head or something and I am so worried for what my mother would go through if i actually did it. those are the only things keeping me on this earth. but i honestly feel the pain i have is too deep to be helped by any amount of time or some psychologist ( i have seen a psychologist and told no one but after one visit i didn’t think it was for me) I just don’t know what to do guys and I’m not even explaining the reasons for why i want out but i assure you there are reasons. i just don’t know how to say it. Â fuck my life guys. i wish there was an easy way to end it.
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I don’t know what you’ve gone through but we all have our reasons. If what’s keeping you around is the thought of your mum, then that’s good, your parents sound like nice people who would support you, maybe you should talk to them, ask them for help ?
Yeah, your story sounds a lot like mine only my parents have caused a lot of my problems. I could never go to them for help in this area for many reasons. My point is this: Your parents sound great and you obviously care for them, so ask them for help at the earliest possible time.
I appreciate that.. my parents are great people. My mom is literally one of the nicest and most giving people you could ever meet. I just can’t involve her. She worries about me enough.
I don’t want to die. I’m just so exhausted of attempting to mask and cover up all the pain I have. it affects every aspect of my life. Yet i feel this is unacceptable to fit into society so i cover it up and pretend I’m okay.
The only person I have ever told I wanted to die was to my best friend. Someone who called me his brother and I, him. After I came out to him early this summer. Later, i find out not even 5 minutes later, he drunkenly told a girl we were partying with. I was so unbelievably hurt. I tried so hard to make him understand what a horrible thing he did. I wasn’t ready for the world to know. I just wasn’t. I told him I wanted to die and he treats it like a joke. A damn joke. I’m not someone who easily affected by the actions of others in my life.. but him.. we have been through so much including a near fatal car accident. i just cant deal with this from him. not him. Now he treats me like I’m a joke. I know people will just say he wasn’t a true friend. but he WAS. I just don’t understand. All i want to do is make him understand.
I just don’t understand how i managed to get so fucked in life.
I’m know what you meen, my nan’s the same. I’m sorry your friend did that to, I understand that he’s a true friend. That might just be his way of dealing with it ? If you 2 were in a near fatal car accident together, then he almost lost you once, some people deal with death or near death, by making jokes and shutting people out, when really what they want to say or do is the opposite, there just to scared that if they get close again, they’ll lose the ones they love. It probably hurts him that you want to killyourself, after nearly losing you once, and that he dosen’t know how or what to do to help you, some people just bury there head in the sand. I think you should keep fighting and look for something thats going to help you and something that will give you a reason to stick around ? Maybe you could try seeing that psychologist again? Things take time, but I’m sure it can get better. Just keep fighting ! (I am such a hypocrite, practice what you preach and all :))
heyy i dont know if u are stillon this site…but plz message me back…I want to talk to you. Tell you my story…I want to help you, b/c i know wut ure going thru…
If your still checking this, i would like to talk to you. share my story with you and see if it helps.