I need to find someone who is like me and can tell me what the fuck is wrong with me.
I have this continuous feeling that I will never be good enough for anyone and that I have an expiry date, a certain amount of time a person can spend with me before they start to hate me.
This is not a once in a while thing, I feel like this all the time.
I cry myself to sleep every night parying to god to fix the thing that’s fucked up about me.
I need someone who has felt the same way as me to […]
Tag:
Amount Of Time
I dont wanna slip up i hurting so bad its like a part of me is fading away i try not to worry because i know ill have it back one day but its killing me to know it’ll be out of my reach for any amount of time at the moment thoughts of suicide are racing through my head so i think im ganna do what i call a cleannsing take an extremly long shower blast my music and cry …….i need it
I can really feel myself shrink when I’m at school, the amount of negative feelings toward myself kind of made me uneasy and it’s not even that even that it’s the amount of time I’ve spent feeling THIS bad about myself from from 6th-10th grade(now) and the amount of anger and emotion that I have I do feel bad about carrying so much of it but it’s like I can’t pinpoint my exact problems with my depression sometimes it feels like it’s the same problems repeating themselves and it’s hard to feel good about myself and say that it’ll be alright because after so much […]
I’ve been fitghing against suicide since I was 11 years old, 5 failed attempts with a difficult internal war against hurting my family in my mind. Each time, under the water or out in the freezing snowy fields, I eventually find myself in a state of bliss, which eventually goes off, the numbness and stangnacy that I see as my only possible future just dances its way back into my life and I start all over again.
And once again I’m here on this edge looking for a way to do this without harming those I love. It’s not a matter of weather or not […]
Wow. Typing the words “I want to kill myself” into google made me feel both desperate and immature all at once. But stumbling upon this page has helped so much in the tiny amount of time I’ve been reading. I feel like a loser because I should be able to reach out to someone other than the Internet…yet I am alone in my life full of friends and family who love me. Â It’s a mesh between not wanting to worry them and getting the old “you’re hormonal” when I say that I’m depressed. I have had these issues as far back as I can remember. […]
While I am reminiscing on the memories that slowly but sweetly tortures my heart.
With all the thoughts running through my head.
Was there something that could be changed?
And somehow make all the pain that was created to go away
I don’t want you back
I want the happiness you brought to my heart
And knew someone cared
But I guess im not well enough or someone you would love to always be there
Now the days are surely getting harder
And im longing for your thoughts
The way you used to hold me
Did you think that I forgot?
I may not be what you want
But im someone that is begging on my knees
Somehow I […]
I’m sure i’m not the only one here who puts on a fake smile, laughs, talks, and pretends to be a perfectly happy person. Everyone at school, besides my best friend, believes the act. I started cutting again 2 days ago. The wounds weren’t deep at all. If i hadn’t done as many as i did, they could pass for cat scratches. Since it’s winter, wearing long sleeves all the time isn’t suspicious. I prefer to anyways, though, because i have 4 years worth of scars on my arms (i didn’t used to have to worry because i had quit for almost a year so […]
I don’t even know if I am posting this in the right spot or if anyone will even see it. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m a normal kid. Early 20’s.. apparently decent life. But I seriously wish I were dead. I may not struggle financially thanks to my parents (I do not live at home, but they financially support me. pay my rent, etc.) I do work, though. I have never posted about this stuff online and I don’t even know how to word whats going on in my head. I may not struggle financially and sometimes I feel like god gave […]
Sometime after our unforetold split up, one of my friends well.. friends( to many friends XC) Had stayed the night with my friend. I was sorta friends with her, and as the friendly, (stupidly) nice gal I am asked her how she was on (none other than) Facebook. She said she was doing fine and that she and my (ex.)friend were having a sleepover. I asked her to tell my friend I said hi. But she told me (kinda like HAL from 2001: A Space Odyssey) I can’t do that hun’.
I could have just left it at that, but I foolishly continued asking her why. […]
My mom had at the time helped me to understand the gravity of what happened, what I’ve done, and what the future of my friendship to my friend looked like. My moms prediction- Not good (and if my mom felt something to be true, it was most likely true.) I had felt that I would get an answer like that , but at least I had an answer. (because I knew that my friend’s mouth wasn’t budging and neither was her mother’s.)
My mom had told me that I should let go of my friend, because as she put it was ” Tragically ended.” It pained […]
I am so tired, please can I sleep? I cannot take it anymore.
I search my entire life to find a home, somewhere, someone, to rest in. Why can’t the world let me be happy? Whenever I become happy about something, someone, I feel that everything goes out of its way to take that happiness away. This is why  it takes me a great amount of time to feel happy. But even still, you let it, them, into your arms again only to realize you were making it up the whole time. No matter how much you deserve happiness, nobody wants to give it to you.
Yesterday I […]
I’m new to this website. I’ve been suicidal for a few months now. It’s gotten so bad in such a short amount of time, and it’s scaring me.
You see, I don’t want to die. I really don’t. But it’s the only way out. I can’t leave my town, because I’m only 14. My mom won’t home school me. I don’t have one friend. I kept telling people how I felt, and then people stopped caring all of a sudden. They just stopped talking to me, and they stopped asking what was wrong. I have literally–absolutely– no one. My parents yell when I get depressed. My […]
I know it will it is just the details I want to fill in. I see knifes and I get ideas. I see my moms diabetic medication and I get ideas. I go to school I walk upon the top of the staircase and I see the bottom and I  get ideas.  I today held a knife and pointed it to my chest. I know I’m not afraid of dying. I’m sick of being treated like shit. I am infected with the misery decease which was stung into my heart by the needle of destruction. I see my money and I see guns online and I […]
I sat in the bathtub, playing the same songs over and over but I wasn’t really listening.
It wont hurt. Someone told me you just get confused. Then it’s over.
I held my breath and dove under the soapy water. It was the first time I had done something like this. I had always wanted to die, but I had never tried to do it. Today was different.
It was a strange feeling. I had been under water plenty of times, I practically grew up at the local swimming pool, but today I wasn’t pretending to be a mermaid or trying to improve my backstroke: Today I was […]
I have been looking at methods, and keep coming back to antifreeze. I have studied and read facts from doctors and lots of other places. Seems the best option for me, since it is hard to diagnose at first and can be seen as an accident or something. If you aren’t given treatment for a certain amount of time, then anything after that point is useless to stop it. Anyone have any views on this? Some say you can’t die from drinking it, but all indications point to the fact that if you drink it and wait a period of […]
There’s this funny little contraption in my chest.
Right here, on the right side of my body below my neck. I can feel it pumping blood through me, beating life into my veins, but that’s all I need to FEEL.
It’s called a heart.
I’ve never understood how this thing works. It’s just a part in my body, it doesn’t have a mind of it’s own, it’s not its own seperate entity, and yet It makes me feel emotions that I shouldn’t have to ever feel.
WHY???
Take love for instance. When your in love with someone your heart knows it. It swells with this creation of a thing I like to […]
i dont know what to write, say or even think right now. all i know is that i am tired, not in the physical sense although it it exhausting to wake up every morning knowing it is going to be the same bull shit that i have been putting up with to long. medication hasnt helped, mostly because i cant afford to stay on it, hospitals dont work-twice now at least, and friends dont work because nobody wants to be bothered, which is why its called “pity party for one”. I AM DONE. i dont want the attention of fake people saying they care knowing […]