so here i am on the internet rock bottom so to say… first of i am not from america or england so my english will be bad but i need to get this off my chest …
So where to start? the fact that every day i feel worthless a big fat loser with no future unworthy of love? or that almost every night before i go to bed i think on how where and when i could kill myself? oh and dont worry this isnt a sad story its freaking hilarius so lets start i have a decent life i mean shure i only have a basic education and im not ritch and i have a nice big fat debt aswell and ofcourese because of the global crisys its almost impossible to get a job but screw all that every one has problems i have a great mother and father a wonderfull sister that is so successful i have a couple of good friends.So life isnt that bad i mean how some people have it… but i dont know i just feel so… empty  i have no joy no purpose and i feel so alone but im a guy i should feel like this this is only for women … i just dont know i mean i have one friend that i sort of talk to about this but she says to be positive and shit and i know she is right but i just cant.. and she has problems of here own so i dont bother here any more with it im always ok and :). Oh lets not forget my love life isnt that a big joke so havent had a girlfriend ever never been really in love and last time i had sex i had 1 facial hair …. and right now i have 0 sex drive and im not even missing it  i m missing that someone you wake up with not go to bed with…. i mean come on im a total loser so maybe i score but as soon as she would find out what a fuck up i am she would just leave , but then we have my social skills that are=0 i mean i cant really make new frineds talking to a girl i like is just impossible because my brain goes off and i just look retarded…. self pitty yea thats me . so suicide project tryed it one time but i couldnt just i dont wana be even a bigger pain to my family i mean funerals arent really cheap so thats my reson for living at the moment pathetic isnt it? well atleast i can sleep alot that the one thing i still do . i dont know maybe it does get better but everything is so dark right now  i mean i do have a day when i dont think about killing myself but then the next day is so much worse maybe ill get lucky and go crazy i think im not that far away well any ways im trying and i dont feel better at all after writing this but ok why not….