Tired.

Hey there guys…its me again…well today started out bad and hasn’t got much better really on the bright side dad had to leave for school today and wont be back till at least Tuesday or Wednesday, but he couldn’t leave on a good note. He had to tell me i was a lazy useless fat ass so i’ve decided until i get down to a better weight today was my last time eating. I’m sick of his mouth i’m sick of living in this house and having to have a worthless father who i feel like doesn’t want me here anyway. On another note mom did take us out today but of course dad complained then she started on me. She says she won’t leave because she has nowhere to go and no money know what i say thats bull because she could leave anytime she wants to but is scared to. She says she thinks this is whats best for us, no its not. I’m so angry and lonely and sad. I don’t know how to cope with all these emotions at once and on top of that i feel everyone elses too. I hate school now and i just dont know how to deal with the onslaught of all these emotions plus my own. I feel alone in a crowd of people and i never have before. I’m tired of being the one to be strong and help everyone else and when im here all alone and hurting…it’s just me again. I’m tired of being strong, tired of wearing this mask…if only they looked in my eyes and not at my smile. I’m one of those people who can appear calm on the outside because i have to but on the inside im breaking and falling downwards fast. My eyes though, they’re an ocean of emotions constantly rolling by and on and on.