Trapped in thoughts

It seems like everyday I try to escape these thoughts of leaving this world. It seems like a hellish struggle to even make it through the day. I just want to be happy but thats now a forgotten cause. The real problem is here now and I can’t seem to shake it out. I can’t sleep because if the reoccurrence of these thoughts. If my mind doesn’t get a break I might have to give it a permanent one. I’m left wondering if these little pink pills are worth it. I’m left wondering all the time. Left trapped in my own thoughts. In my own skin and nobody knows what’s going on. I don’t even know what’s going on. How could I go from happy to sad in a matter of days? How did I get here and how do I get out? I’ve cried too many times, wiped too many warm salty tears from my face, took a few too many deep breaths and told myself id be ok, I’d pull through. Each day seems a little too hopeless to keep telling myself that. I can go a few more days putting that fake smile on my face while the gruesome thoughts still cycle through my head.. Right?