I do not know how I make it through each an every day. I am a survivor, I am strong. I have been through enough to make some people cringe.  Lately though, the thoughts are returning and things have not been alright. They have always been there, but I thought I had control over them. I no longer do.  I have to have distractions constantly. What do you do when you don’t have a television or a computer? I have a passion for sketching, but that doesn’t take you far away, actually I am sketching things that happened the other night, which makes it worse. I also have a passion for extreme things. I have to go out and do things that take me to the limits so I can feel the rush again. Another distraction. I need it more and more. What do you do when life is not enough and death is too much? One seems easy and the other rather difficult. I want both.
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42 comments
To be quite frank, absolutely nothing. A lot of us here are stuck in this ambivalence between life and death, but the truth is there’s nothing that can be done here. We have to either choose to live or choose to die. It’s hard to push ourselves onto one side of the fence, but if we don’t we’ll continue to end up in a state of utter lethargy.
I know you like extreme things, but maybe you could try doing something that’s a bit toned down? Go for a walk/jog, read a book, do some yoga etc. If you like sketching maybe you could extend it to painting, or sculpting, or even carpentry.
Hi Jael, I just wanted to take a minute to thank Scar for all his sage advice and intelligent comments that I’ve been reading on many posts. Your responses are so on point and well thought out that it almost seems like you should be getting paid. Like you work for ask MD or something. Seriously I am impressed.
Hi Scar504 how are you? Yes I do know what you mean about choosing one or the other. My choice lies with death. I am just waiting. For what I am unsure of at the moment. I do go for walks, try different things. It is the extreme sports that give me the on the edge feeling that I now have to have. As for sketching, I started with chalk not to long ago, it’s a bit harder than sketching for me, but it is different.
Hi mimito. Yep use my post to talk, I do the same thing. 🙂 how are you now?
This post…I could’ve written it myself. This is exactly what’s going through my head…
I have so much more to write, (more that you could relate to I’m sure) but this is what I could get out right now. How are you nobodyy?
Bullsit.
Or evan bullshit.
Goodness, thank you Mimito, but i really just try write as self evidently as possible. I think most people here give very good advice. It’s because none of us take any for ourselves that we have so much of it to give. lol I just hope at least some of the things i say help someone.
Hello Jael, i am doing sleepy. The days go by so fast that i’m always tierd. Have you ever wanted to learn to play an instrument? That would occupy a bit of time.
That’s donnie way of saying hello
No it’s not.
Hi Donnie. How are you tonight?
I’m word. You still got your gun.?
I think Donnie wants to borrow it
Yes Donnie I do. Do you need to borrow it?
Your story was fake.
Ok Donnie. Whatever you say.
Later. J
And give out the real story.
I love when my nights get worse because I let one little prick make me feel like shit. Thank you Donnie.
Jael, if you want an extreme distraction try street racing, the adrenaline run is immense
Your welcome.
Don’t let Donnie get to you. He’s done the same to many others, but i don’t think he’s really mean. Everyone gets the same advice for him /ignore.
J, I’m feeling like shit. :/
How are you?..
Actually I am ok with him. I was just seeing if he had any real feelings. Nope. Yes, I do ignore him for the most part.
I was already feeling something that is not right inside, but add feeling like shit to it. Nights are bad without distractions. I am still sketching though. 🙂
Rathernot I have tried different kinds of racing. It has been a few years though. I did it twice. Once I had a dune buggy, and the other were supped up trucks. The dune buggy’s were awesome. I would do street or drag race if I could. That would get my heart going.
I like to race every day I co me home from school, just make sure to get a radar, cos can be a pain in the ass,
I’ve never tried truck racing, sounds fun,
That sounds exciting especially if you need a radar. I have been out to the local track to watch races, but real street racing sounds like my sort of thing.
Has isaac been on tonight? Anyone talk to him?
You should really try it, it’s so so fun,
And make sure your a good driver, you don’t want to ruin your car or anyone else’s
Yes. I would need a car first. Then sink some money into it. Hi darko, how are you?
Jael, issac mentioned something sort of cryptic in one of his posts about having to do something and that he wouldn’t be on here for a couple days or something.
You don’t really need to invest that much money, I have a Nissan Altima that hits 250 horse power without a problem all stock,
And I’m sure if you work hard you’ll get a car in no time
He emailed me and I wasn’t sure what he meant. I was hoping he would provide some update. I did see his post. I hope he is alright. Don’t worry, I have yours up too, replying now. 🙂
Rathernot, I own a Vespa and my legs.
Vespas seem like they would be a joy to ride 🙂
It can be fun. Not as dangerous as I would like. It gets me from point a to point b. That is all I need.
I would assume they are dangerous since your body is protected at all, unlike a car
I just love the roar of the cars, and how the horsepower pushes you back into your seat when you floor it.
Rathernot it’s a rush, isn’t it? Exactly what I live for.
Actually I am ok with him. I was just seeing if he had any real feelings.
??