I know I will end my own life, I have known it for many years.  The thing I have been debating is when, I only delay because my parents are religious and it will cause them extra grief. I was going to try to wait for them to pass, but after 5 tough years of health decline I know I will never be able to last that long.
I always wanted to do a final trip before I did do it but I have waited too long. My health has declined to much and I don’t have the energy anymore to do it. I’m ok with that but now I’m kinda stuck. I live with my parents and will not do it here and now I’m not sure if I have the energy to get away to find a dignified place to do it.
I wish we lived in a society that allowed people the dignity of death without having to suffer for years needlessly only to take your own life like some criminal on the run or put your friends and family in the position to find the aftermath.
So not sure what to do now but I think I can’t wait much longer or I certainly won’t have the ability to do it competently and will end up doing it sloppy when I have hit my max.
No real purpose in posting, sometimes putting thoughts in writing can lead be peaceful, sometimes it is just shouting into the nothing. I welcome comments but please none of the religious sentiment or pleas that it will get better, it is misplaced and will just upset me and worsen my day. One should watch what they post in that matter as well, if you “save” a life you are responsible for that person for the rest of yours.
1 comment
I completely respect your decision. I’m just concerned with the method you will use. I sounds like you have a degenerative illness. Is it terminal? I am asking because even though there’s no law supporting suicide, there are places in the world where euthanasia is an option. You wanted to make a last trip, have you thought of Switzerland? Dignitas (google it) is based there and I’ve seen documentaries about their procedure and “patients” enjoy the most peaceful of deaths. There’s also Oregon, in case you live in the States, but I am not sure exactly of how the law operates there.
Also, if you suffer from intense pain because of your condition, you could probably be eligible to have access to drugs such opiates or barbiturates. Theses are lethal and provide a painless unconscious death.
I’m sorry about what you must be going through. I hope you soon find some relief in what comes next, if anything. I wish you lots of smiles and beautiful moments with your family before you leave. I hope you indulge yourself and spoil yourself rotten until then. If you need company ’till that moment comes, I’ll be here.