Yo-Yo Efffect

Never know what to say when starting a new topic, so I suppose I typing this just to clear my own head.
All I seem to do is yoyo back an forth, one miniute I wanna save the world. Truly believe I can do it. Failing isn’t an option, by failing it would mean iv lied to myself for so long, about everything I believe. Peole tend to think that a small group of people can’t change the world, when it fact there the only people that ever have. And I believe that with every cell in my body.
Then in the next cold shallow breath, I can’t stand any of it. I can’t stand being alone in a sea of faces that either don’t know or don’t care that there only as strong as they believe them selfs to be (an I feel like a hypocrit coz I’m one of thos empty faces) I hear people say there so lonely they feel numb. But its really not like that for me, its like I feel Everything! It won’t stop, I can’t turn it off. Like if I stop feeling noone will. I can’t bare people being lonely, its the fucking fucking lonely man! An it sweeps over so fucking fast. An I take stupid amounts of pain killers so I can get atleast some “sleep” at least I tell my self that, when really I just wanna stop feeling! Last night I smash through the last of my co-codamols, ended up taking another two packs of paracetamol an some ibuprofin I found on the side. Before I really took note of what I was doing, I’d take about 26 painkillers in the space of two hours. An I’m not trying to kill myself, I just wanna not feeel everything for just a fucking moment.
Well like a good little yoyo I’m sure ill spring back, but how long before the string brakes man.
Jkota