Hi all,
Recently I dropped out of Uni. I have no girlfriend, no driver’s licence and I am going broke. My family dislikes me and I have depression and Paranoid Skitzophrenia. The one girl I do like insists she is “better off alone”. I have known her for three years, FML. I want to overdose on my medication and poison myself simultaneously. I have attempted suicide twice before. I have had enough.
If anybody would love to suggest something to keep me alive, go for it, but I doubt it will work for very long,
Mr. Anonymous
44 comments
love finds you when you least expect it, you can’t chase after it unless you already had it
That’s not correct.
how so?
Because there is no love for me. I may as well just die.
i can understand the feeling man i’ve never even had a girlfriend and it can get lonely at times but i try not to let it get me down, you shouldn’t either just wait it’ll come
It never will. Death is the better option.
death is never the better option, you feel alone right now imagine beinf dead if there is or isn’t an afterlife you will feel much more lonely after your dead than you were alive. i understand the feeling that eveyone hates you, sometimes we all feel unlovable but the feeling will eventually subside if only for awhile. why did you drop out of uni?
Because the people there were a bunch of f***wits. My family were so stupid about it all, they were like, “Oh it’s all your fault” sort of attitude. And if I feel even more lonely after I am, perfect. Can’t care what most people think anymore…
well good you shouldn’t care what other think of you, takes some people their whole life to attiain the confidence, why not be bold with it, ask out a bunch of hot chicks, it’s all about confidence anyway, go back to university get a kickass job.
No, I would rather die.
sir the way i see the majority of your problems are solvable if your willing to put some effort into it and if you plan to die soon what have you got to lose by giving a few new ideas a try?
Like what, specifically?
just get out there and try to get a girlfriend man and i mean try a few times you might get rejected the first few times but it’s all a number game, try university again or try to find a good job
Sigh…
1. I’ve done everything I can to get a girlfriend.
2. People are forcing me to go back to Uni.
3. I can’t get a job.
4. Suicide is the best option.
well what have you tried?
In relation to what?
getting a girlfriend and a job
1. Every single girl I go for rejects me, so almost every female I know is a useless piece of shite.
2. Nobody will hire me, dunno why.
@mr anonymous are you looking for love or just a girlfriend?
oddly enough both are a number game just keep trying
Does it matter? If I go for love, I get stabbed straight in the heart. If I just go for sex, it always falls apart at the last minute.
thats life man all i can say is keep your chin up and keep trying
Sigh…
@Anonymous, have you considered giving yourself some time to heal without pressures? It seems to me that some of the things you describe happened in your life, are relatively recent. Counting ’till 10 to get back on your feet after a big bunch from life has rendered you paralyzed on the floor of the ring, can really make a difference. Is there anywhere you can go to be “taken care of” while you find the strength to go on ? I know the option of dying is much more appealing, but time can change situations or the perspective you have on them, at least.
No, you are wrong. This is all very much long term stuff that has been going on. I don’t care about being alive anymore, I just want to die.
dont let a girl be the cause for your depression. you are much stronger than this, and love will find you some day. i know its hard to keep hope, but i am sure a woman one day will see the real you, and love you for who you are. just keep on moving forward, and dont look back. dont think about what could have been. think about what could still be.
Look, my life is shit. Period. Not exclusively over one girl.
well im here to listen…
There’s not much you can do I’m afraid. Will commit suicide very soon…
I don’t know what to say. I understand so well. I would prefer to die as well but since I can’t bring myself to commit “the final act”, I’m forced to keep on fighting for my nonsense existence hoping that some miracle might set the record straight. I had NO hope six months ago after my last fall, but I’ve regaining some forces since then, so that’s why I suggested taking some time off.
I already am. Nothing is working out. I will be dead by tomorrow.
How.?
what is bothering you? let it out
In The Times newspaper (yeah I read The Times) you get daily Crossword, Sudoku and other puzzles of varying difficulty. I buy a medium latte, smoke a couple of cigarettes, sit down and complete the puzzle. Sometimes it takes a very long time and a lot of thought to find the answers and other times they are left incomplete. It’s the challenge that is gratifying otherwise they would hardly be worthwhile.
Life has challenges too. Most millionaires continue to seek out ways to challenge themselves. They try to break records by traveling around the world in hot air balloons or to the depths of the ocean in submarines. Some take on impossible tasks. They do this to occupy their minds with a sense of achievement.
The difference with people that are not as optimistic about things is that they derive pleasure from people, objects and experiences that they perceive will bring them happiness. This is purely chemical, no different than increasing seretonin levels by eating large quantities of chocolate. The reward that they get from galvanising dopaminregic activity.
@Duke, pleasure is just as addictive as any other drug and brings emptiness after a while if not combined with substantial feelings of love, belonging and “togetherness”. We often confuse pleasure with happiness, or perhaps we don’t, we just settle for the first since the later is so hard to come by.
I can’t stand humans’, specially men’s, fixation and infatuation with challenges!!! Life is already hard, I don’t find any pleasure in making it even more painful harder.
@Mr. Anonymous, Is your mind 100% made up for sure?
@ Swan precisely. But imagine if you could attain everything your heart desires at will. Wouldn’t there come a time when you feel that there is more to life. You would still envy others because you will always be confined to your own thought processes. Other people always seem happier and you associate the things that they have with their happiness. When a person is able to attain self fulfilment and become completely self absorbed you can take away their possessions and the things most consider important yet they are able to adapt. The monks train themselves to let go of all possessions and desires to become enlightened.
I actually can relate to a lot of what you’re saying. I’ve been exactly in the same place recently. I’ve only now been able to make strides to changing, hopefully for the better, and I just want to encourage you to hang onto a little bit of hope. I know how it feels to be completely alone, hell, I still feel this way. I’ve been severely depressed for the past 9 years, to the point that suicide feels like the only option. Just know that there are other paths that maybe you can’t see right now. They will become visible after a few steps in the other direction. I think sometimes when people are so desperate for love or to feel like they belong they will reach out and cling to anything that gives them some notice, even the perception of death. I’ve stopped worrying about trying to get other people to care and instead have started to focus on getting myself to care. Does that make sense? I think maybe you should try too.
I’ve always felt like the entire reason I’ve come to hate myself is because everyone else rejects me, my family hates me, my friends have forgotten about me, and my teammates judge me and degrade me all the time. I eventually came to dislike myself so much that I feel worthless and that there’s no point in trying anymore. However, I always thought that if everyone else changed and grew to love me or if I could find that one person who accepted me for who I am, I would eventually get better, that this depression would leave me… It never worked. Honestly, you can’t change anyone else. You can’t force others to do something or to love you. The fact that it never worked made me miserable. Now that I’m focusing on something else, myself, I’m starting to get myself to care first. It’s probably going to take a long time, but I think eventually I will be ready for love. I think you should just focus on yourself for awhile, forget what everyone says or feels. Don’t even worry about feeling alone, because know that there are others that feel exactly the same way and you won’t have to feel that way forever. Soon you will be able to live happily for yourself and others will notice. Just think of how depression came in reverse. Everything afterward won’t feel so personal, rejection won’t be so damaging, and you’ll be stronger because of this. You’ll come to actually appreciate the little things. Take everything in small steps. Overwhelming yourself with all of the negatives will only hurt you more. Stay strong, I’m here to talk if you need someone to vent to.
@Duke, Exactly, I agree with your last statements and it is precisely because they post no interest whatsoever in challenges that they are able to be content. They are self-fullilled, they are not out there looking for the next thing that will make them “scream”. Challenges are a trick of the mind and bring extreme anxiety.
@Silencer, I am impressed you have been able to turn things around the way you have :). It takes a lot to achieve that. Good for you!
@Black Swan, Thanks! I know it’s not easy and its a long journey out of this darkness but I truly want to feel better. I believe where there’s a will, there’s a way and I will keep fighting. I just want to encourage others to keep trying too, no matter how depleted they feel. I know how it feels to be so alone. If anyone needs some hope, I’m more than willing to share some of mine. It’s not much, but a little goes a long way, especially when it seems like there’s nothing left to live for…
@Silencer, you know… When I get manic and get to be some “supernatural creature”, my mind comes across some pretty interesting observations, for intense: Be-lieve is like be-life. Whatever you believe has the potential to become life! Your inner world, has the potential to become your reality. I used to be a “believer” and got far by “knowing” it was possible. Unfortunately for me, all of that has died inside me. I now hope life proves itself to me instead of it being me having to prove myself, yet once again. I have ran out of gas. I am running on empty.
You know, that makes a lot of sense to me. My inner world is completely broken. All of my dreams died years ago and if you were to ask me 2 years ago what I believed, I believed my purpose was to die. I honestly didn’t want to live anymore and I still have those moments. In a lot of ways I feel exactly like you right now. I feel as if I’ve completely given up and even though I’m working at an actual future, my soul is essentially waiting to see if it’s even possible for me to live. I’m not in a good place right now, but I’m also not in the worst place that I’ve been either. I feel like yes, I’m making steps to eventually have life prove to me that everything I’m doing is worth it in the end… does that make sense? I know it probably sounds like I’m so hopeful, blah, blah, blah… but believe me that I think it just takes time for you to replenish your inner strength. Sometimes too long to wait, because I’ve only recently been able to work at making myself better, but I think that is the importance of holding on. I’m glad you’re still hanging in there. I know when you’re drained everything feels 4x as difficult to move through. Don’t give up. Strength will find you again. Don’t let anyone steal your energy from you. Sometimes all you need to do is just keep telling yourself it will get better, over and over again, and then maybe after a few years you’ll actually believe it again. 🙂
@Silencer, yes it makes sense. Soon after realizing that I didn’t have the guts to end my life, I figured I’d better hurry up and “get better” to face it. I will be facing it full strength in New York pretty soon and all I can do is hope that I will make it. I still feel really weak emotionally and I am scared. Can i ask you how old you are? How would you want life to reward your efforts?
@BlackSwan – I’m not sure I’ve realized that I don’t have the guts, I think I’m still capable of ending my life, I’ve just been strong enough to resist it. Is there really a hurry? You know, I feel like that’s how everyone is viewing me right now. After I confessed to my family that I’ve been suffering from depression (they don’t know about my suicidal thoughts/self-harm) I feel as if all they ever do is look at me and ask “Are you better yet?” I keep feeling as if I have to prove myself to everyone that I am striving to get better instead of simply working on it for me!! So, to them and even to you, what is the hurry? It took me a long time to get here to this place and it will probably take me a long time to get out. I think you’re allowed to take all of the time you need for yourself to get better. I hope you make it. I’m glad you’re brave enough to face it. Years ago, I didn’t have the courage to even acknowledge this problem. Emotionally is usually always the weakest link, I’m emotionally a wreck, I just work hard to hide it. It’s okay to be scared. We’re all scared. I’m terrified. But once you make it through, you’ll laugh at how scared you were initially and see everything will be ok. I’m 22. Everyone says I’m so young, but I feel so old and I know that’s because I’ve felt like I’ve lived through so much.
I’m not sure how I’d want life to reward me. Honestly, I don’t feel as if I deserve anything in return right now. But I think eventually I want to find peace. Not just environmentally around me, but inside. I want to be able to live a day where suicide doesn’t cross my mind and I can genuinely smile for me, not for someone else, not to fool others, but to actually feel something for myself. If that makes any sense at all… Can I ask what you’re striving for? For one day in hope of finding?