I’m so lost and I don’t know what to do

I feel very lost and I don’t know what to do (I’m a guy). I’m currently attending my local college and am in a two year program with 4 semesters in total. I’m currently in semester number 5 and I’m failing miserably. I CAN NOT tell my parents. My father might understand if I really talk to him, man-to-man, but there is very little chance of that and my mother simply won’t accept failure from me again. I previously attended university for biological sciences and I failed out of that. I finally built up the courage to tell my parents that sciences weren’t my thing so I went to the local college for computer programming.( I was told by my mother quite explicitly that this was my last chance, that I’d be kicked out the house with nothing)  It was something that I thought I wanted but I quickly found that It was far too difficult for me. I just couldn’t understand it; no matter how much I studied I just couldn’t grasp it. I decided to switch programs again, I was terrified to tell my parents that I was switching programs for a third time so I didn’t. I switched to Network System Administration which went well for the first year; I understood the material and was passing; I started making friends that always wanted to hang out. Things were going great for once in my life. Then, when hanging out with some friends one night, they say they really want to have a good time and that’s when weed was introduced to me for the first time. I loved it, I loved the way it made me feel, I loved the way it made me forget. Forget about my lazy, absent father. Forget about my emotionally cold mother. Forget about the high level of pride and resultant pressure put on me to succeed, to be the first in the family to go to and finish college. I kept smoking weed, more and more and I became addicted to the feeling it gave me. I became addicted to weed. I started becoming reckless with my smoking and would smoke in the back yard while my parents were home. I would skip class to smoke weed and I fell behind. It was stupid and as a result I got caught by my mother. That was bad day but it forced me to tell my mother a lot of things that I kept bottled up. She basically spit in my face when I showed her my true feeling and it has caused me to completely hate her. It’s at the point now that I don’t hate the things she does or the things she says, I hate her, who she is as a person and I know she feels the same way about me. I wasn’t kicked out but living with her in this house is like walking on eggshells now and I can’t take it. I was able to stop smoking weed, but it doesn’t matter what I do or say she still thinks I’m smoking it and I get accused of it all the time. All I think about now is how easy suicide really is, how it is the only thing that will provide the sweet release that I need. I feel like it’s the only thing that will allow me to get out of the impossible hole that I’ve dug. I think about how easy it would be to step of the sidewalk and into a car, to swallow a hand full of pills and enter that beautiful eternal slumber, to get a gun and end it all in a flash. If my mother and father find out that I’m failing again I won’t be able to face them and I really and truly don’t think I have any other options left. I’ve turned my life into a perverted mess; I have nothing that I can show for it. I’m constantly compared to other people not much older than me; they have the education, the job, the newly started family. They are financially secure and independent and I feel like I‘ll never have any of these things. What kind of a life do I have to look forward to. A Life with parents that I hate and that hate me. A life with no family to break the fall when things get tough. A life of constant financial hardships. Suicide seems to be the only thing that will solve all my problems. It’s just too enticing to ignore.