“I think its better if I dont come over today. I dont really feel like being used and treated like a whore today”
“Thats fine, ill see you another day. Maybe somewhere next week”
I mean. This was an expected answer. It still made me quite sad. I dont know why. Like I said. It was expected. Our agreement basically is that I let him use me like a whore. It makes me feel usefull. Slightly less worthless than I am when Im not being used.
Still I sort of hoped he would tell me I could come over anyway and we could just hang out, maybe play some mortal combat and then have normal-people-sex maybe.
I regret cancelling him now. I know I dont want to go but I really do rather have that Im being fucked when Im not into it than not being fucked. Why did I just cancel my only few hours of feeling semi-worthy.
Im so stupid. And disgusting.