As of tonight, I don’t know what family is. My mom walked out on my family sept. 29th, I’m pretty sure I’m the only one still in so much pain from that. She’s off with the guy she was having an affair with, I still talk to her but she’s changed it will never be the same. My dad was doing good, he planned a trip to Toronto to visit who I thought was his family. Turns out he’s going to visit an old girlfriend… Not impressed. Why? He hasn’t told me. He hasn’t told me he booked a ticket, he didn’t tell me who he was going to see. I found this all out from his friend. He wouldn’t even tell me who he was talking to on the phone too, so I picked up the other one and just listened on in the conversation just to know who it was. It was the lovey ex. No one around me knows what I’m going through, the 4 years before this I have been severely depressed and an intense cutter. Anti-depressants don’t do shit for me. I finally quit for like 3 months, and rewarded myself with a tattoo of the music notes of a song that has gotten me though the worst times the past 4 years. With all this shit, all I want to do is cut, not only cut, cut where the tattoo is just to torture myself further. I hate everything, the only person I see as family is my sister and she lives a ferry ride away. Why can’t things get better and the little things stop hurting so much?
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4 comments
is there any way you can go see your sister more often, or live with her? i had a really bad relapse today too, i felt good yesterday then i just, that’s all i wanted to do today, but, i guess, after enough crying i didn’t, and, and i guess i’m glad i didn’t. i probably will be more glad later. or maybe i don’t care. i promised someone i wouldn’t and that’s mainly why i didn’t. so at least, that perosn will be glad, which will make me glad. is there anyone you can share everything with, and make a promise with them, so they will be glad when you don’t?
ps–I’m sorry if my reply isn’t very good. i understand your feelings and i’m trying, but i wish i could give you something better or more useful.
No your reply was helpful! It’s hard to visit my sister because I graduate grade 12 this year, I was planning on moving in with her next year it’s just so far away. That would be nice to have someone to chat with and tell everything too, but I don’t have anyone like that. No one I trust enough or that would even be the littlest bit sympathetic!
I’m sorry. That sucks. That reminds me of high school. I’m in college now. Like, as of Monday I started talking to my dad. Before that I was alone, for like, 8 years with all my suicide stuff. I think this place helps. There seem to be a lot of people who care and know what they’re talking about. I would keep posting here. Is there no way you can move in sooner? Like can you transfer high schools?