I have a million things that I want to type but I dont know where to start.. I honestly feel empty again. I suffered a few years ago with suicide, but I was somehow able to come out of it.. A year or so later I became very depressed again and started to be suicidal and starting cutting. I hate saying that.. I cut. Not because it’s bad or wrong, I just don’t like the sound of it. Anyway, somehow i was able to tell my mom and i was able to get the help i needed. i was put on medication and seeing a therapist for a while. things got alot better so i stopped seeing my therapist, and i just kept taking my medication.
Two months ago my boyfriend and i broke up. we were together for a year and a half, we were each others firsts, and we were completly in love. i dont care what anyone says we were in love. but we were having a few problems, but just the normal issues that any other teenage couple has. Anyway, we just broke up because he was already seeing someone else.. he was cheating on me. we were together for a year and a half. He was dating the other girl 3 days after our break up. i was really hurt. i started to fall into that black hole again.. my best friend managed to get me from falling into that hole. but somehow in the last week i have started falling again. and i am falling hard. i have not cut my self in a year and a half.. that is until the other day. i cut myself, and i cut myself bad. how do i keep myself from falling back into these deep hole.
i can feel myself slowly dying. all i do is sleep, and watch family guy on netflix. i dont like going anywhere other than to my best friends house. all i want to do is be in bed and sleep. this is how everything started before. so i know that i am only going to get worse.. i dont want to die.. but i want to die..
there are way too many thoughts in my head.. i just want to cry, sleep, cry somemore, cut myself, sleep and then just over dose on something and die.
5 comments
im so sorry i dont have my phone right now and cant talk to you… if youre feeling really bad please call me on my moms phone i dont give a shit if she gets mad ill just tell her to stop being a **** and give me the phone. I know shits hard and although i dont want you to cut and it kills me to see you do it if youre really feeling bad and need to i understand… just remember our promise and how much and deep you do it. i think you need to tell your mom youre not feeling well so you can catch this before it gets worse and as bad as last time. I can help you tell her if you want to. I am here for you. I love you. If you ever are thinking of doing anything make sure you call me first and i’ll be right there with you. Please stay strong.
dont worry i am doing my best to stay strong.. i love you <3
Love is devastating when it doesn’t work out isn’t it? You remind me of myself wanting to sleep all day and watch programmes. I just need an escape, something I can use to get away from everything else in the day. If I concentrate on the real world it brings me down, but I feel stupid for trying to escape what’s all around me. Well, I wish you good luck at least, but luck never got me anywhere…
yeah luck hasnt gotten me very far yet. I try to keep myself busy, cause if im constantly doing something then i cant think and dwell on everything going on in my head. ughh. its just frustrating..
Ha, that’s exactly what I do. I do everything I can to stop me being able to dwell on things. Frustrating? It is, yes, but I think I’m starting to find everything frustrating. Still, over thinking is VERY frustrating.