I still hide behind this facade that everything is okay. I at least try to. I just don’t have any purpose. I’m not important to anyone. I don’t matter. I can’t get over the fact that I lost my best friend. I didn’t see it coming, and he won’t tell me why. He was the only thing that kept me hanging on, willing myself to make it through another day. And now I don’t even matter to him. I was stupid to think I did. As soon as there wasn’t anything in it for him, he disappeared. I knew better than to trust him, but I did it anyway. I forced myself to trust someone for a change. Told myself to be open minded; take a leap of faith. Stupid me! To think that I could matter to someone. That they were happier with me in their life. All the lies he told. If my own mother doesn’t love me, how could I truly expect anyone else to. I knew better.
I feel like I have no purpose for living. I don’t know why I’m here. I’ve been this way since I was 8 and it hasn’t gotten any easier. I just want it all to be over. I’m tired of feelling… worthless, ugly, fat, stupid, weird, loser. I don’t want to feel anything. I want to be numb. I’m only prolonging the inevitable and I know it. So what am I waiting for? This is stupid.
1 comment
I could have posted that exactly. Literally everything you are feeling you have in common with me, and I’m sure many others. I don’t have any good advice, but i wanted to let you know that you aren’t alone. I’m thinking that this is stupid, but maybe someday it will get slightly less awful.