Just fancied a rant on a lonely Saturday eve…
cant seem to get excited about Xmas this year and dreading New Year’s Eve as usual…. Makes me feel inadequate…just lost my sat job cos I wasn’t well enough to man a crisis line- was just taking msgs though couldn’t help think of all the unhappy ppl out there and the worried relatives making those calls, could be my mum ringing up…. And yet still dream of not being here, just sitting at home doing nothing, I can’t even be bothered be think positively, knowing that I do have it an awful lot better than most…. I know what to do to be happy yet I can’t see a reason to do it, I’m not even sure I want to be happy, yet this isn’t good either…. So ambivalent about it all. Don’t have the strength to keep fighting this day after day, its been over half my life, just too difficult to do anything…
5 comments
yes it’s a *****, find a hobby to take your mind of it.
Look on the bright side it’s coming up to the new year , this means a resolution maybe you could make looking forward to thing in the future maybe planning ahead seeing something positive to look forward to. There is so much out there for you oppertinuties out there, people out there who will change your whole out look on life. These people could make you a better person. adequate hell whatever anyone ever says to you just remember you’re adequate you a life that deserves to be happy don’t let the down times or people who aren’t worth you time take that away from you. You say it’s been over half your life but guess what it’s half your life not your entire life you still have a lot of time left. I mean I’m not the best person to be giving insight into life because i’m only 16 but I’ currently going to the same path and it’s a slippery slope but there’s always a way out of this:) If you ever want to talk feel free to drop me a message on here anytime I will get out of my usual sitting by myself feeling suicidal and talk to you.
And I agree with rocket man a hobby can be something that take’s your mind off certain things, preferably with other people tho it’s so much better that way trust me 🙂 go out meet new people that’s where life get’s better.
Oh and i spelt opportunities wrong so here i am correcting myself. lol
Hey Dawn,
Does ranting make you feel better? Then rant away. I’m listening and so are others. What kinda crisis line were you supposed to be manning? Lots of us have some interesting suicide hot line stories…do you have any?
So are you blue throughout the year? or just particularly at Xmas time? And only half your life?…hahaha…trade ya!!! jk My teenage daughter and I just put up the Christmas branch…a real tree branch in a pail of rocks…shit ya not….not a tree…hahaha. We’re too poor for a tree this year…so why am I happier than horseshit about Xmas…cuz I think I know the true meaning. And even though I’m kinda down on my luck this year….using my imagination to create new traditions has been both fun and a challenge…with lots of do overs…haha For once we are celebrating Christmas and not Giftmas…yeah!!!
I also got a beautiful card the other day…all blue and white and sparkly…with a perfectly simple message. May your Xmas be as peaceful as the newly fallen snow…nice. So sorry…wanted you to know we are all not suffering…so you don’t have to save me…I’m just here to yak and listen.
Peace
Amakua