Why do I have to be so awkward around new people? I don’t really care what they think of me. I wish I would still say, “I don’t care what they think of me.” But I do… And that’s what sucks the most. I get told that I’m funny, but I feel like a fool. I feel as though I’m going though more than half my life in a daze not knowing what to do or say. Ugh, hell I don’t even know what to say now as I’m writing this. Â And I can’t even give a presentationÂ without having a panic attack or choking on […]
Half My Life
I’ve lived more than half my life, only to realize I haven’t lived at all. I’ve existed, for what purpose I don’t know. Life’s amusement I suppose. I always picture those old movies where the gods are standing idly by over some sort of cauldron as the human race slowly imploads. Only I see myself a puppet guided by the slightest of hand, made to teeter with one foot firmly on solid ground and the other dangling into the abyss of the unknown. Funny thing is I don’t believe in god or the like. I do however believe in kharma and the ability of a […]
Just fancied a rant on a lonely Saturday eve…
cant seem to get excited about Xmas this year and dreading New Year’s Eve as usual…. Makes me feel inadequate…just lost my sat job cos I wasn’t well enough to man a crisis line- was just taking msgs though couldn’t help think of all the unhappy ppl out there and the worried relatives making those calls, could be my mum ringing up…. And yet still dream of not being here, just sitting at home doing nothing, I can’t even be bothered be think positively, knowing that I do have it an awful lot better than most…. I […]
I’m 29, almost 30.
You could say, I’ve lived half my life.
I spent most of it depressed and thinking of ways to end my life…but little did I know, that I was destined for something great and amazing.
I’m not trying to tell you what to do, but I am telling you that there IS hope, and better days are around the bend.
I never knew my real father, my mother is an alcoholic, and I pratically raise five of my siblings from the time I was eight years old. I was molested twice, neither person was charged or convicted, so you could say my mother failed to […]