Feeling the end is coming

Well, some of you on chat knows me as CL and I’m just getting to the end of my tether here. And talk about timing. My mother and her partner have just announced their engagement last night and me, my sis and her fiancée only know at the moment. They’re all in their own happy worlds even though there are hardships here and there and there’s me wanting to kill myself. I got everything I need to go out via Carbon Monoxide and today or tomorrow seems like the only times when I get enough time to go through with it without being disturbed. I know I cant survive this year, there’s too much wrong with me to keep going on and my zest for life has crashed dramatically in the last few months. I think this was all inevitable to be honest. I feel cursed from birth, socially awkward, stupid, useless in general. All I foresee is a life of loneliness and sadness and I’ve gone through a decade of that already. There’s a lyric that’s sticking in my mind ‘Think of one moment you can recall. Happiest moment of your life. Its gone.’ And that’s how I feel now. The happy days have long gone and now its filled with hopelessness and despair. All I got to do now is word my goodbye letter in a suitable form. Fuck knows what to write though. In somehow I think just ‘I’m Sorry’ doesn’t quite cut it.