Nearly twenty-five years of life…and what have I got to show for it? Not much. The disappointment I’ve caused is overwhelming, disappointing my family, friends and myself. I grew up in a very religious home where nothing but good things were expected. It cuts deep realizing the failure that I am. I’m the youngest and all my siblings seem to be doing something worthwhile with there lives. They were successful in college, religious obligations, and career opportunities. I have failed in all those things.  Unmarried and unemployed, I am full of guilt and shame. I hate myself. I have no motivation, no drive to do anything that takes effort. Apathy, I think is right word for it. I have never used drugs or alcohol, it’s getting very tempting at this point…I know it will just make everything worse.
So tired of letting everyone down, so tired of trying, so tired of living. When things get hard I just quit. Depression and anxiety crush me nearly every waking moment. Sleep is my escape… only to wake up wishing I didn’t exist. I am a waste of human life, just a shell of a person with a dark, corrupted heart. I wish I could offer positive thoughts or encouragement to those here that are struggling. For now, just two words. Carry on…
2 comments
Don’t be so hard on yourself. You obviously care for others enough that even though you feel you can’t offer much encouragement you tell them to carry on. That means something, it really does. That tells me you are a kind person. In saying that, i offer you the same words: carry on.
For the last few days, I’ve been thinking about what you said. Thank you.