Strong enough…. Not

Ive come to the inevitable conclusion and no matter how much i would like to dance around the subject i am just not strong enough to do anything on my own. I have asked for help almost every day of my entire life and have been shot down every day. Even God seems to dangle hope in my face. Makes everything almost achievable but then takes it away. I know im quoting a super hero movie but i think Bane got it right. There can be no true despair without hope. I’ve always had my ways out but never strong enough to take them. I cant even do the one thing i think about 24/7. I want it all to be over but i can’t do it and its thrown me into this spiral of hell on earth. I can’t stomach my food and what little sleep i do get is empty. My body is ready to die, shit its dying as i speak but my heart is holding on to something. Something that my mind doesnt know about. I am just rambling now so i guess i should stop. thanks for reading if you took the time to read this