Things going on inside my head..

Okay, well I have friends. I do. I hang out with them sometimes too. but why do i still feel so alone? I call them my bestfriends, which in most cases is true… but at the same time.. they know NOTHING about me. They know the crazy girl.. the one who likes to party, whose had sex, gotten high and gotten drunk.. But the true part of me that matters most.. they dont know exists.. The part of me that cries myself to sleep at night. The part of me that has scars, and cuts.  The part of me who almost committed suicide and still considers it today! The part of me who comes onto SP and posts all of her secret thoughts and feelings that she cant tell anyone! maybe i can tell them? but they wont understand.. i know them well enough that they wont be able to understand me.. the can only understand the basics, and the little things. They will never be able to honestly understand my depression, old cutting habbits, and suicide plans.

They all know that I WAS depressed, that i DID think about killing myself. they dont know that i still AM depressed, STILL think about killing myself, and STILL have issues with hurting myself (even though my cutting is bascially done with)

it just really fucks with my head that I am these two different people… a “normal” person, but then also this crazy depressed fucked up person..

but which one is the real me? I have a feeling its the second one…

This probably didnt make much sense to anyone… but it just had to come out.