When no one believes you, when people tell you that you’re a liar, when everyone starts to tell you that your boyfriend can do better or you’re using him all because I wanted to spend a night with my friends and people are so quick to jump to conclusions because their guys, when almost everyone around me tells me to kill myself, or that I don’t deserve to be happy, that I won’t get somewhere in li
fe or that I won’t succeed in anything I do, when rumors are made and even the closest people around you believe them, when people stick knives in your back and all you do is sit there and contemplate tomorrow and fear everyone around you because you get judged every second or you might get bashed because people use your name.. Feeling most vulnerable anywhere I go on my own, too anxious to ever really do anything and then when I do something goes wrong. I hate most people in general and I don’t exactly trust anybody. I’ve cut myself because of being isolated, feeling like i’m not wanted by anyone anymore.. Feeling as though I shouldn’t be here or that I don’t deserve to be here because I fuck everything up for everyone. I hate feeling like this every second of the day.. I’ve changed myself every day the slightest because the person I was is sick of being pushed around like a piece of paper flying in the wind.. Unstable and unsure of where you’re going to end up.. I don’t go to school because I get bullied, told i’m pathetic, an attention seeker, to kill myself.. Told i’m ugly and worthless.. Enough gets said to me that when I wake up, I don’t want to look in the mirror.. I hate who I am, I hate how I look.. It’s easy for others to sit there and judge me or tell me it’s easy to change.. Because it really isn’t..
You can’t change things over night, you can’t change fate in a matter of a few choices you make.
Everybody makes mistakes, people make mistakes that aren’t even noticed..
But as soon as I fuck up the sliightest, it’s like an instant stab in the heart because it comes back and haunts me because everyone keeps it going..
I regret a lot of things i’ve done, said and my past..
But I can’t change that..
I’m not a perfect person, i’m not a wizard.. I can’t change anything, what’s done is done..
I’m not beautiful, i’m not a nice person.
I’m horrible, and i’ve fucked up so many things for so many people.
Everyone that’s had to put up with me, I apologize..
From now on I think i’ll just isolate myself and well, if I lose Khorey from this status then I guess I lose him, but I do love him regardless of what happens or what anybody says. He truly is my everything and my most prized posession.. He is what keeps my heart beating every second of the day no matter what is said or done..
You can’t change things over night, you can’t change fate in a matter of a few choices you make.
Everybody makes mistakes, people make mistakes that aren’t even noticed..
But as soon as I fuck up the sliightest, it’s like an instant stab in the heart because it comes back and haunts me because everyone keeps it going..
I regret a lot of things i’ve done, said and my past..
But I can’t change that..
I’m not a perfect person, i’m not a wizard.. I can’t change anything, what’s done is done..
I’m not beautiful, i’m not a nice person.
I’m horrible, and i’ve fucked up so many things for so many people.
Everyone that’s had to put up with me, I apologize..
From now on I think i’ll just isolate myself and well, if I lose Khorey from this status then I guess I lose him, but I do love him regardless of what happens or what anybody says. He truly is my everything and my most prized posession.. He is what keeps my heart beating every second of the day no matter what is said or done..
/rant over. :/
5 comments
You settle in when your a little older. Allow it to wash over, dont let it hurt you. Remember, people don’t say things because the things they say are in your interest. There are other reasons. As you expand, so will the world and everything will be a distand memory.
I’ve tried for 16 years..
Nothing gets better, everything just hits you like a truck..
Later i’ll be posting my story and why i’m like this.. :/
Awwww don’t let people put you down. You are quite pretty young lady. Keep that great boyfriend girlie, as long as he knows you care for him and he cares for you. Screw the people making rumors, they can suck it.
I can’t make you feel wanted, I know that.
But, email me if you want.
I understand I can’t make it better for you, but I can try.
brl.cents@gmail.com
i am so sorry to hear that you are surrounded by people like that… don’t listen to them, because you are honestly so beautiful. times do get rough, but it WILL get better in the end, no matter how crazy that seems. learn to forgive yourself instead of blaming yourself for everything.