1st Part Of Mt Story

i was in the sixth grade when i realized i was emotionally and physically depressed thats when i started to cut myself. i had no one but then i met a girl and we started to talk. we were all flirty with each other and then we started to date. we were doing great i completely stopped cutting myself but then one day i sat and watched her flirt with other guys while i was sitting right there. after i watched her do that i was so mad me and her got into a fight and we broke up. i was so saD mad and alone i didnt know what to do so i turned to cutting myself and starving myself again. no one knew i was doing this but me until my ex girlfriend saw all the cuts on me and asked me what was those from. i was so nervous and didnt know what to say so i said “umm there from my dog”. she didnt believe me she new they were from cutting myself. she said she was sorry and wanted to date still so i asked her out again and she said yes. i was so happy but i culdnt stop cutting myself . i dont know why it just released all my anger and pain again after about 3 weeks my girlfriend was flirting with other guys instead of me so we fought and we broke up. we did this so many times i lost count. one night i was at mt dads because my mom and dad are divorced and when everyone was asleep i texted my step brother “my friend cuts himself and he wants to stop what should he do?” he texted back and said ok is it actually a friend or is it u? i told him it was me and he asked y i do it. when i woke up the next day  forgot about everything that had happened and didnt know what to do? so i texted my ex and asked her what happened and she told me everything tht happened between me and her. i was so confused i didnt know weather to try to stop cutting or weather i should keep doing it because it released all my angriness. that whole day i just stayed in bed and didnt get out unless i had to. it was about 2 in the morning wen my ex texted me and said i want u back i made a mistake it wont happen every again. i said back to her we have to start this slow we cant rush into things. she said wow bye. so i took a knife and stabbed it in my wrist. i knew that i wouldnt care if i died or went to far.