I cant even cry anymore

Every since kindergarten I have been teased and bullied. It lasted well up into high school graduation. My family never had a lot of money. We werent close and my mom dealt with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder which made it hard as well. I stayed a loner and kept a lot of my feelings to myself besides the school therapist….whom I would see every year since 2nd grade. My step dad was abusive to my mom and my brother and sister didnt care about me. I hardly even remember them being around in the house. When i did make friends they judged me too and I found myself going above and beyond to please them so that i wouldnt be lonely again. That continued up until now…I get taken advantage of because I dont want anyone to hate me. Im sick of it. I have 2 kids and I just know im a horrible mother. My husband doesnt love me. I just dont feel it. Today, I saw a message he sent to another female about when they could hook up. The people at my job work me crazy. 6:30 to 5 M-F. I get paid slightly above minimum wage but they expect me to do so much. I do it. Everytime I try to find an outlet it doesnt work. I have cried myself to sleep many nights. I have reached out for help and no one understands. I have tried to take pills and cut my wrists but I even fail at trying to kill myself. I am a horrible horrible stupid worthless person that doesnt deserve to live and I know everyone would be so much happier if I just didnt exist. If I wasnt around no one would have to put up with me.