I Just Don’t Know

I want to kill myself, shocking, the problem is the backlash of a failure. I know for a fact that my therapist will send me across the country if I so much as even cut again. I have no idea what he would do if I attempted suicide. If I get sent away I know that the hospital will keep me long term. I can’t deal with that. I don’t know what I’ll do if my therapist finds out that I haven’t stopped cutting. I’m scared of that. I just want to end this terrible game of cat and mouse. No one is ever going to find out what’s wrong with me. I’m just fucked in the head. I don’t have any trauma and I was not abused. I don’t know why I hate myself I just do. I’m sorry, but I just can’t. I don’t wan’t to die. I need to.