i keep finding reasons to stay later and later at work… in the hopes that while walking back to my car i will be violently assaulted and killed. i even deliberately park in the dark vacant part of the lot. two things though. 0ne, i don’t really work in a very high (violent) crime area. and two, i am a guy, not a whisp of a guy, but not a huge truck of a guy either. it’s sad, but statistically speaking, i would be more likely to be assaulted if i were a woman. not that i approve of it happening to others… it’s just i keep hoping it will happen to ME, because i just want to be gone.
the woman i love whom i made the last ten years of my life with divorced me, and now ignores me. she is my every single thing, and now she lives and acts as if i never existed at all. it’s been nearly 1.5 years since my life fell apart into nothing, and i just want someone else to end it for me.
i will eventually kill myself. i have a plan and a date. a life without her is not a life at all, and i will never stop trying to get her back. the only way this will end is if i am no longer alive. but now, in the meantime, i hurts so much to even breathe, because every breath i take in is for her… and every breath i let out sings the words “i love you annie”.
i just can’t do this anymore.
3 comments
Hi. I’m so sorry to hear that you are suicidal after losing your wife, but you have to accept that she no longer loves you and move on with your life. I’m sure you will find another woman to love if you try. Moving on is hard. But no one is worth killing yourself over.
i hear you and i can relate. the only woman i fell in love with was 17 years ago. to this day i would take her over anybody else. they say there are many fish in the sea but the way i felt about her is still unmatched by a long shot. maybe you will have better luck than me. my life has felt pointless without her.
Dave havent you ever heard the song. “Some Broken Hearts never mend, some memories never fade”