It was the best day ever…. It was? It had to be.

I slept all through yesterday.

I laid in my apartment, doing nothing as usual.

It was 8:50, and I had just woken up.

I checked my phone for messages, emails. Maybe a facebook message?

It was a response to this:

Dear Isaiah,

The years I spent with you were the happiest of my life. Now without that, I’m nothing but a hollow cast of myself. I can’t really come to face my problems anymore. I’ve tried making amends with you because I desperately wanted you back. I would have done anything but I know it will never work. I’m here to say goodbye and, live or die, you’ll always be the one I love. I have always loved you and will always love you. What I did to you was wrong, and I’ll never apologize enough, I want you to know that it is the biggest regret of my life. If I could take all of it back, I would. I know I wasn’t much of a girlfriend to you. I was mostly a *****. But I was going though a lot of conflict, honestly.

I’ve changed. I have beliefs and opinions. I’m not the same person, and I can see that neither are you.

I miss you, Isaiah. You were the one thing I ever wanted. I just can’t go on knowing you’ll never be mine.”

I imediately started crying for two reasons. One, he acnowledged my existence. Two, he took time out of his day to speak to me. I was dumbfoundeed.

It was a reply to my earlier message. He said;

“I’m not sure how to feel. Objectively, I think I should be pissed at you and ignore this. But I don’t really feel that way. Perhaps you’ve changed, I’m not sure how to know. What happened was devastating; I lost one of my oldest friends, But maybe we could begin by talking,”

We talked until I passed out at 7 in the morning.

When I woke up, I finally signed up for classes. Suicide was out of my mind for a day.

But then I started thinking. Foolish of me, right?

I imagined that he was just using me for sex…. I imagined him doing it for spite… I imagine him cheating again and most of all….. I feel like he’ll hurt me again.

I cut again…